Posts by mfdtwin

mfdtwin

Nov 28, 2009

Undergraduate / Miss Natasha, My chiropractor - UC Prompt Number 1 and 2 ! [11]

Prompt One:

Nice Job, I really enjoyed your essay, but I would recommend making a few changes:

I would reconsider the word fun in your 1st paragraph (...a fun way) -- maybe enjoyable or another word would work better.

Change PBJ to peanut butter and jelly.

Delete to know that -- (to help children in need and to know that I can make a difference in their lives)

Change your ending's construction little bit:

My experience at Up on Top shaped not only my world, but my outlook of it. I learned that in the real world, not every child receives as many opportunities as another, and that it is our job to lend a hand and make a difference. I choose psychology to make that difference; I can change the world, one poop-smearing kid at a time. (I think that sounds better)

Hope I helped! :)
I would appreciate it if you edited my short essay answer @
mfdtwin

mfdtwin

Nov 28, 2009

Undergraduate / "Beakers and flask" - Common Application - Extracurricular Short Answer/Essay [2]

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

Here is my response:

Beakers and flasks encompass the walls around me. Chemicals, both inert and toxic, are encased in glass only a few feet away and wait to be prepared into unknowns for the anxious chemistry students. The water distiller drips into the bottle my friend and co-lab assistant, QingWai, placed below its nozzle. The slight murmur of the classrooms surrounding us filters in through the thin walls, but we slave on measuring and naming unknowns, blocking out all extraneous noise. Pestilent Peter and Noxious Nancy accumulate entrapped inside vials, resting for a while, until an unsuspecting student seizes hold of them. Just as Noxious Nancy and Pestilent Peter, many other unknowns passed through my hands and it was through my passion for chemistry and determination to get any job done, that I succeeded as a chemistry lab assistant.

Please tell me what you think. :)
Thanks