Undergraduate / "Volunteering at the hospital" - Common App 150 word essay [5]

Well first of all I'd like to say that I'm not the best person to critique essays because I'm not sure my writing is very good, but I'll do my best to help. Also, I'm in the middle of writing this exact same essay at the moment.

But here are a few of my suggestions:
-I think that your first sentance is a little to long and just lacks an overall sense of excitement. It's not bad, just cut a little out and make it a little less "cookie-cutter" like.

-The main part of your paragraph seems to be a little bit to blunt. I realize this is what the prompt asks for, but I just think that you should make it a little more in depth with maybe the emotions or atmosphere of the hospital and how you feel; not just concrete details of exactly what you're doing.

-There is a space between the word register and it's period
-Maybe combine these two sentances into:
"I was asked to replace a fellow junior volunteer many times, giving me a chance to work on the nurse's floor and the cancer center (H.O.P.E)."

If you don't my suggestions feel free to ignore them, I could be wrong on some things; I'm in the same position as you.