Posts by Pollic

Pollic

Jan 10, 2010

Undergraduate / Describe your short and long-term goals (working as a cardiologist). Related? [3]

Sorry but I'm not very good at grammer so you'll want to have someone check it!

In life, every human being has an ambition; ambitions that are at most times set extremely high and sometimes low to a point the individual can achieve it. I have always set my ambition as high as it could ever be. (confusing...try describing the individual's approach to ambitions then the type of ambition)

All my life, I have had different ambitions: I wanted to be a teacher, an arcitecture, even a lawyer one being a teacher, architecture and another being a lawyer. But my goal has becoming a cardiologist. (However, as I matured I realized I really wanted to become a cardiologist) My mother has heart issues but she has never had a heart attack ( Cut heart attack, introduce the fact that this desire springs from your expierences with your mother). Her doctor that part of her heart is swollen and any tension or constant thinking or anything could trigger her to die ( Confusing, what are you trying to say?). My desire to become a cardiologist is because of my mother. It upsets me to see people enduring heart diseases. I aspire to take care and better (consider switching) the wellbeing of people as many people with heart diseases as much as I can. I plan to major in nursing first and earn my Bachelors. I hope to acquire a job as a nurse and use the money I earn to provide for myself through medical school to become a cardiologist.

In order to achieve my long term goal, I plan to learn as much as I can to prepare for college. and I plan to graduate from high school with cum laude and attend a university that will help me achieve my goal. Will you though? Don't write unless it's true Another accomplishment that can help me achieve my goal is working towards receiving scholarships so I can afford my education. If I achieve these short-term goals, I will be able to achieve my long term goals of working as a cardiologist and making a positive contribution to people all over the world.

Overall this was a good essay! Just be sure to double check some of your word choices. Good job!

Pollic

Jan 10, 2010

Undergraduate / GWU: FBI to Boxing [5]

My motto in life has always been "one opportunity can lead to a thousand experiences." George Washington University is to me, the opportunity of all opportunities. (Perhaps you could use different phrasing...cream of the crop?)

Ever since the ninth grade I've loved reading and learning about philosophy. I can't get enough of its theories and concepts, and how they relate the real world ( This is very vague...consider revising)

Pollic

Dec 6, 2009

Undergraduate / DePaul Essay -- Goals, Challenges, Community, Interests [4]

Thanks for responding so promptly!

I've worked a bit on the second prompt. Now it's at 133 words. I want to try to cut it down, they said it should be around 100 give or take. Any ideas?

Pollic

Dec 5, 2009

Undergraduate / DePaul Essay -- Goals, Challenges, Community, Interests [4]

Hey Everyone!
Thanks so much for looking at my essay and possibly proofreading. I really appreciate your feedback. Thanks again!
Oh and the word limit is 100 words.

Describe a goal you have set for yourself and how you plan to accomplish it. How would you compare your educational interests and goals with other students in your high school?

One day I will establish my own theatre company which will focus on creating educational opportunities for the public. This will take an intense determination and drive, however I believe my commitment to my goals and educational interests will only support my dreams. For example, this fall I wanted to increase my knowledge of the theatre. My efforts resulted in spending days at rehearsals with a local theatre company, helping to direct fellow students in my school's fall play, and volunteering backstage at a professional theatre downtown. I have faith that my dream will become a reality.

Describe a personal challenge you have faced, or a situation in which you or others were treated unfairly. How did you react to the situation and what conclusions did you draw from the experience? Were you able to turn to others for support?

During my sophomore year I was sexually harassed and teased by a fellow classmate. After confronting the boy and confiding with the teacher the harassment died down for awhile. However, he soon started teasing me again. So I found support within my family and friends which resulted in a fierce desire to stand up for what I believed in. I approached the boy again and I firmly told him I would not stand his treatment any more. It took awhile but he slowly backed off. I never thought something like this could happen to me and as a result I realized that even the strongest woman can feel pressured to accept harassment, even me. My skin became thicker after I accepted this fact and found the courage to stand up to my tormentor.

Discuss how involved you have been with your community through volunteer, neighborhood, church or other activities. Describe why community is or is not important to you. Give examples of playing a leadership role in your school or community.

I am an extremely active member of my community. Using my love of theater, I have volunteered with local children's theatre as well as in administration and backstage of professional theatre downtown. At my school I am president not only of the National Thespian's Society but also of Students against Disruptive Decisions and co-president of the Latin Club. Taking an active role in my community and school is very important to me because I believe that by helping out I am not only improving and learning about myself but the community as well.

Think about the interests you have pursued outside of your high school classes (e.g. independently or through a student organization, part-time work, sports, playing in a band, volunteering, etc.) Describe any knowledge or skills you have gained as a result.

A specific interest I have pursued outside my high school classes is my love and interest in Shakespeare. I have taken classes on performing and analyzing his plays and sonnets and I have read everything from Venus and Adonis to Hamlet. As a result I found that my ability to comprehend and analyze literature had risen. I also have a greater appreciation for the ability of words to take on many different meanings. Finally, my interests in other classical and contemporary works of literature have branched to different works.