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Dec 8, 2009
Undergraduate / Experience, achievement - essay about losing weight- feedback [5]
The first five sentences are awesome. They draw a person into the essay and helps to keep them guessing. However, it is important to personalize it more from an emotional standpoint. What did you feel when you could not keep up with everyone on the basketball team? How did this effect your friendships? How did it affect your relationships with the opposite sex?
CLScheidies
The first five sentences are awesome. They draw a person into the essay and helps to keep them guessing. However, it is important to personalize it more from an emotional standpoint. What did you feel when you could not keep up with everyone on the basketball team? How did this effect your friendships? How did it affect your relationships with the opposite sex?
CLScheidies