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Posts by altair88
Joined: Dec 11, 2009
Last Post: Dec 18, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: Kazakhstan

Displayed posts: 3
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altair88   
Dec 18, 2009
Graduate / LSE application, for Dev Studies, personal statement [13]

Dear Fidelis,

Your essay is very good! For me, it is obvious, that the author is a good candidate for
the Development Studies program. You have an extensive work experience, necessary academic background and, most importantly, willingness to bring positive changes to African communities. I am not a native speakerbut I will try to make your essay even better:

a) I would recommend leaving space between the paragraphs.
b) "As the plane touched down (check for comma here) my anxiety was quickly turned to disappointment."
c) I had travelled to remote parts of Kenya and had imagined that was the worst there was of poverty but I got a rude shock. - This sentence looks somewhat unclear.

d) "characteristics that still define my personality todate" - to date.
e) Martin Luther King Junior - Junior
f) "education is one of the greatest empowerment tool (tools)."

Good Luck with Your goals,
Sincerely, Tair
altair88   
Dec 11, 2009
Graduate / Study on "MA in Public Policy" - personal statement [6]

Dear friends,

Let me introduce myself: I am a kazakhstani student who is willing to study Public Policy and here is the draft of my personal statement. I shall be happy to receive constructive comments and some spell check.

There were no special requirements except that: "describe the reasons for your choice of programme, your choice of university, why you think you are a suitable candidate for your chosen programme" Thanks in advance.

"It is better to get lost with your people,
rather to find the way alone" (my own translation, is it sounds ok?)
Kazakh Proverb

Since getting independence in 1991, people of Kazakhstan were able to experience radical transformation from the Soviet command system to the market economy and more or less liberal democracy. I still remember how my mother was bringing her salary in a big bag (because of hyperinflation), how during winters our region was living without electricity and heating (because of energy crisis) or how together with my family we were standing for a whole day in a queue (in order to privatize our flat after USSR dissolution). Even though not knowing a single term from the brackets, already at that time I was able to feel the importance of social changes and governmental policies on people's everyday life. Luckily, all of the above obstacles are the matter of past now: during the last eighteen years Kazakhstan was able to make a significant step forward in terms of economic growsgrowth and creation of civil society. What concerns me, I strongly willing to contribute to further development of my country and that is the reason why I decided to dedicate myself to the profession of public servant. [you need to review this sentence. You start off like you about to share your concerns, which you don't then you quickly go to your intent ]

After finishing high school in 2006, I have beenwas admitted to YYY - which is one of the best Central Asian universities. Despite protests from my parents, who wanted me to study business administration, (and in that year career in business looked to be unclouded and very promising...) I have selected the path of a public employee. Ironically, due to the current economic recession, everything which relates to business, finance or banking is in a big trouble and that is the government is trying to improve the situation. Considering this, I have a full confidence that our region is in a strong need for a new generation of public policymakers.

As a student of Public Administration department, I have always been particularly interested in the process of lobbying and policy implementation. Personally, I consider these two issues of policymaking being the most crucial and challenging. For instance, this semester while having an internship in Akimat (City Council), it was very curios for me to read policies, which looked very nice on paper but in reality were badly implemented.

And when it comes to lobbying, isn't it exciting to analyze how different networks of interest groups (politicians, businesses and general public) are contributing to the final outcome?

The reason for me to study at XXX is that yYour University offers Public Policy program which is interdisciplinary in nature and incorporates within the issues of regulation, economics and even law. Another very important aspect is that studying at XXX means that you I will gain the most cutting edge knowledge in the sphere of public policy. I am confident that through receiving an advanced degree I shall be able to create a successful career in public service here in Kazakhstan

I believe that my intellectual abilities, academic background, positive thinking, openness and adaptability shall make my candidacy suitable for the Master's program at XXX. I shall do my best not only to gain knowledge in sphere of public policy but also to maintain and contribute to the widely known excellence of yYour University.

T. A. 11/12/09
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