Fireater
Dec 17, 2009
Writing Feedback / Why do you think people attend schools?; 'for learning lots of things' [3]
''...while others may put emphasis on whether they can learn something new or not''.
this part doesn't make sense. you might be trying to say
''... others may go to see if they can learn something or not''.
''I claim that people should go to college to learn things.''
'I claim' should not be used with 'should' here. you should either eliminate 'should' or use 'I think' for 'I claim'.
they essay is focused. but you can elaborate a bit on the 'learning new things' part. like you can say 'Even though we can study by ourselves, we can learn a lot from other people at college. The experience of a professor can guide us through a subject better than we can guide ourselves.'
''...while others may put emphasis on whether they can learn something new or not''.
this part doesn't make sense. you might be trying to say
''... others may go to see if they can learn something or not''.
''I claim that people should go to college to learn things.''
'I claim' should not be used with 'should' here. you should either eliminate 'should' or use 'I think' for 'I claim'.
they essay is focused. but you can elaborate a bit on the 'learning new things' part. like you can say 'Even though we can study by ourselves, we can learn a lot from other people at college. The experience of a professor can guide us through a subject better than we can guide ourselves.'