Posts by collegebound1

collegebound1

Dec 16, 2009

Undergraduate / Challenge in my life- short paragraphs [4]

thanks for the critique!

do you think it would be more appropriate to talk about my dad doing abusing his use of prescription pills, which affected our relationship...instead of talking about shyness?

collegebound1

Dec 16, 2009

Grammar, Usage / A Question about "Voice" - inspired by some helpful feedback from Mayada [25]

A voice, to me, in a writers work, is simply the opinion of what they are writing about. In a writing sense, it is when they give their piece of work a personality..

i thought this question would be easier to answer, ha! but thats all i can think of to put it as simple as possible

critique my undergraduate essay if you would like! (:

collegebound1

Dec 16, 2009

Undergraduate / 'It seems pretty simple' - Vires, artes, mores - Florida State Admissions [3]

i think it's a little too simple.
you should have more eye catching characteristics and more details

good base though !

collegebound1

Dec 16, 2009

Undergraduate / UCF "How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are" [4]

i like the form of it, it catches my attention
however i think you should draw back on the description of food and things and give more details about how their success will affect yours

collegebound1

Dec 16, 2009

Undergraduate / Challenge in my life- short paragraphs [4]

This is just roughly done and can only be about 250 words.
It is supposed to be about a challenge in life that i overcame. I don't have any huge challenges such as going through cancer so i thought this subject was significant.

please criticize this ! it can only be 250 words so let me know what is okay to delete out of it, thanks !

Sitting in my desk, I cringe at the thought of being called on to read the mere six sentence paragraph. Thankfully, she chooses my classmate to read and a weight is lifted off of my shoulders. Shyness may seem like an effortless hurdle to overcome, but for me it has been a bumpy road in and outside of school. I have always been known as the quiet girl throughout my school years, that is, until my junior year of high school.

Beginning in elementary school I started hearing the infamous statement in my life, "You're so quiet." It wasn't something I paid much attention to until middle school. Often my peers and teachers said I'll break out of my shell before I knew it, so this obstacle sat in the back of my mind, but I didn't dwell on it. My introversion began to take a toll on me in high school. I did have many friends and it was easy for me to open up and be comfortable around them; however I noticed that it began affecting my educational experiences. For example, I took a psychology class in my junior year and ended with a C in the class. Participation, meaning constantly raising your hand to answer or even ask questions, was meticulously graded on a chart. This was failure screaming at me. It was in this class that I realized my coyness was limiting my success.

I did not want this characteristic to hold me back in other aspects of my life, such as getting a job or even meeting new people. I took this challenge on with a positive attitude and began to voice my opinion in different situations. I also began to introduce myself to new people instead of being a wallflower. Overcoming this challenge gave me the confidence to diminish the thought of fear and humiliation of voicing my opinion. This challenge in my life helped me grow comfortable and confident with myself.