Undergraduate / Diverse family/ Business Mgmt/Soccer; Adelphi U-Background/Experience/Interests [2]

Would be grateful if you could cast an eye over my adelphi admission essay, need to cut a few words but I think im getting there!

Thanks,

Julian

Describe your background, practical experience, special interests and reasons for wanting to attend Adelphi University. Include plans for work after completing studies.

When thinking about how to describe my goals and targets for life beyond college, I felt it was important to delve into my experiences from the past, as I feel these shape not only your wants for the future, but ultimately your dreams and aspirations. A buzzword in my life and virtually throughout my family is diversity, with relatives from all across the globe. Being born in London, and raised on the outskirts, the theme of diversity has always been close to my heart. My father was born in Liverpool, to parents hailing from Accra, Ghana and Berlin, Germany. My mother was born in Accra, Ghana and lived a childhood I envy, taking in the experiences and cultures of places like Rome and Jerusalem as her family moved homes, before settling back in Ghana. After completing her education my mother headed to London in search of more prosperous opportunities and this was where she eventually met my father.

Therefore, when thinking about what I would like from a university in the United States, it is no surprise that a diverse student population is an area of interest. With 28% students of colour and 4% international students hailing from over 62 different countries, Adelphi quite comfortably meets this criterion.

I'm glad that I do not know specifically what I would like to do later on in life. I am certain that it will be a job in the business world; however what that role will entail I am not entirely sure of. At Adelphi I will be presented with the chance to take the Business Management program, which will give me the opportunity to choose from a range of different specializations and the chance to learn from experienced faculty members who share in the passion of business. Being taught in small classes and being presented with hands-on learning should stand me in good stead for when I enter the 'big wide world' and come to making a career choice. By learning from faculty members such as Professor Allan S Ashley, who impressed me with vast range his experience working in industry, consulting services and professional activities as well as being recognized with various awards and honours. Quite simply I believe that I believe that the strength of teach and wide range of specializations would enable me to decide on an eventual area of business to focus in on.

Following in my father's footsteps I have always had a strong passion for soccer. Whether it is playing or watching, I simply love the sport! Therefore, when considering which institutions were right for me, I was naturally researching if men's soccer was a part of the athletics department. Throughout high school and sixth form I have played on the soccer team, winning an array of trophies and awards along the way, and what better to take back to my family in London than a winner's medal or a trophy? At Adelphi, I believe this is a possibility, and combined with the new stadium completion in May 2008; there look to be exciting times ahead, which I would be honoured to be a part of.

Undergraduate / Ohio state application, Consider your talents and strengths... [2]

...academic and otherwise. What is one thing you do really well?

Hows this for a first draft?

Hard work, commitment and determination are not just important qualities that a student should possess, but also qualities that one should try to put into use in everyday life. Throughout my life, various experiences, academic or otherwise, have highlighted the above point for me. Whether it was playing soccer for my high school against tough, physical opposition, or studying hard towards end of term examinations, I learnt that putting in hard work and maintaining commitment until the end was always the best way to go about life.

One particularly satisfying memory that stands out for me is a soccer game I played for my county when I was aged 16. I remember looking out of the team coach as we made the journey along the highway, and wondering if we really could overcome the odds and secure progression to the next round by beating Hertfordshire.

As the kick-off time drew nearer, realisation that I was not alone in my trepidations about the game came about when I looked around the dressing room and for the first time I could remember, I was not greeted with bubbly, almost excited faces full of anticipation. Instead, I saw determination and focus, and almost nervousness in the eyes of my fellow team-mates; the entire seasons endeavour had come down to the next 90 minutes.

The fact that we won that game 2-0, I think was almost entirely down to hard work and perseverance, and the collective realisation that although we may not have been able to match the opposition in terms of skill, we would definitely be able to beat them in terms of work rate and pure determination to get the result we so desperately wanted.

Experiences such as these have undoubtedly shaped my outlook on life, and nowadays I find that I always strive to put hard work into everything that I do. A recent example can be taken from my search to find chartered accountants at which I could complete a year-long internship with. When faced with many disappointing letters saying that there were either 'no available positions' or that I did not meet certain 'criterion' I often felt the urge to just give up and try my luck at finding something else to do in my gap year. However, I stayed committed and was determined to find the right business for my internship, and eventually, I found such a place.

Being involved in soccer competitions has taught me a few of lives many lessons to be learnt, and although at 19 I am a very long way from learning them, I believe that with hard work, commitment and determination I can continue to learn and grow from my everyday experiences.