Undergraduate / Business dream [4]

Thanks a lot, Hern. I'm writing my statement of purpose for a Bachelor of Business Administration. Could you please take a look a this para:

Given my academic background as an literature major, it appears that I am against all odds in applying for a Bachelor of Business Administration (Accountancy), but I have every confidence that I am going the right direction. Firstly, business has long been my interest and I indeed have a good sense of it. Therefore, I chose Business Administration as a serious career without any hesitation. Moreover, I feel rationality and emotionality co-exist in me. At school, not only did I demonstrate aptitude for literature, I also achieved exceptional results in all natural science subjects. With my competence in logic and mathematics, I confidently believe that I will get on well with (is there any other way to express this idea?) Accountancy. Additionally, I regard the literature class I had as actually a special advantage of mine rather than a handicap when studying at your university. Firstly, as a language major, I have read something about everything, thus broadened my horizon and gained a unique perspective on economic phenomena. Through these readings, I have acquired a comprehensive understanding of different cultures and customs, which I believe, will be conducive to both my study on international business and my relationship with people from other countries. My writing ability and oral communication skills have also been strengthened after implementing various assignments and presentations at school. All these qualities I have developed through studying literature have become my most precious possessions, which, together with my preparation in economics and mathematics, will ensure a promising outcome of my studies in the course of my choice.

Undergraduate / Environmental Science class, Johns Hopkins Supplement Essay [3]

You well answered the question. However, the first para is quite long with unnessary details. Also, you should link to the Uni of your choice.

Good luck

Undergraduate / "our class was worst in the sports and extracurricular activities" - app essay. [3]

General good writing. However, try to shorten your ideas
There is nothing impossible. Though I was almost impossible for me (It was almost impossible for me) to enter to the school's dance competition. Prior to it (Previously), I have never tried to dance (dancing) and I knew dance only as watched (by watching) the dance by Michael Jackson through TV. I was shame of dancing fearing from other's joke. However, I decided to join the dance band of my class.

Since our class was with the advanced studies of mathematics, our classmates were intelligent, humble and leading with the academic results. Notwithstanding, our class was worst in the sports and extracurricular activities having won the last places. In the 10th grade, I was elected as the class leader. It is no wonder that I had many tasks as class leader. I was encountered with many challenging assignments such as public activities, meetings, various kinds of competitions and contests, examinations everyday. In many of it, I was inflicted with others' critics and teachers' accuses. But I used to consider it properly to seek reliable ways. But the most troublesome was the dance competition. Our class was disappointed with it every year since we used to participate in it with bad success.

But we aimed to win one of first three places (one of the first) in the dance competition this time. Though it was most challenging for us since it requires high ability from us. Then we started to study dances newly watching the records of dances in Hip-Hop, R&B, C walk, while these genres were quite difficult in nature as the real challenge for our group, particularly for me. Although there were many times of apostasy from the heavy trainings for many hours, we conceived advances somehow. Not considering the improvement, it is needed to have a special dance to attract the judges and audiences. To do so, we were necessitated to prepare an exclusive dance nowhere it was. However we can do that as we have not danced before.

One evening, I watched Swan lake ballet by Chaikovskii by TV. That time, new idea was born to me. Why we do not involve the Swan lake ballet through a Hip Hop dance. Since it is deemed as comic and specific to me, I decided to try it. The day of the dance competition, I was worried about realization of my new idea with twitter. At the crucial moments, we started to dance the Swan lake ballet in the mid of Hip-Hop dance wearing out of the previous garments and it was big surprise for all of them.

In resulting of the judges conclusions, we knew that we won the first place. (finally, we won the first place) Though it so incredible for us. From that time, I thought that if people can join with a team there is nothing impossible. As being integrated into one team, our class could win a variety of contests and competitions. And we played this dance in the New Year carnival for the [city name] City's school pupils.