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Posts by mal_nerak
Joined: Dec 24, 2009
Last Post: Dec 26, 2009
Threads: 2
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mal_nerak   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / "Time is ticking." - Johns Hopkins Supplement ---- [5]

Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this supplement, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

Time is ticking.

Impatiently twirling my pencil between my fingers, I constantly sneak quick glances at the clock. There are a few minutes left before the bell rings, signaling the start of the class period. Today, these short minutes feels like long hours. Our physiology class is performing a brain dissection, a lab that I have been looking forward to since the beginning of the semester. Finally, the bell rings and the class separates into nine groups of four and the sheep brains are distributed to each group. The first thing we need to do is divide the left and right hemispheres of the brain. As we are performing the lab, our teacher, Mrs. Dhala, is walking around, making sure that we are following the procedures correctly and giving us trivial information about the three-pound chunk of tissue in front of us. However, the piece of information she told me was far from trivial. She told me that biology and psychology, especially behavior, influence each other; like a puzzle, one is not complete without the other. What I learned in that fifty-five minute class period changed my perception of not only biology but also psychology. Something that I initially though were two fields that can never be intertwined actually go together, hand in hand.

I am fascinated by how the mind affects our daily lives and at the same time, I am enthralled by how the body adapts to maintain homeostasis. I plan to major in behavioral biology because it applies psychology principles to the biological context. This blended major gives me the opportunity to explore the different fields without worry. My dream is to study medicine and become a pediatrician. The behavioral biology major aids me by not only containing all the coursework needed to fulfill the pre-medicine requirements but also granting me the chance to try something new and gain from this experience. John Hopkins University's Krieger School of Art and Sciences is the only colleges, out of all the colleges that I have researched so far, that offers this unique major. With its help, I will be able to deepen my knowledge in the medical field and psychological field, thus allowing me to be well-rounded and different. The knowledge that I will gain from the university will help me better the lives of children who suffer and live in fear of illnesses.

Please proofread and critique my essay as harshly as you'd like.
Thank you!
mal_nerak   
Dec 26, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL "working by hand vs. using machines" [3]

Precision is the most important working features of machines. Although some old-fashioned (what do you mean by old- fashioned? Do you mean conservative?) people believe that we should not rely on merely machines to perform our tasks because of unexpected flaws such as (state some flaws that machines have to support your argument).However, machines have proven that they can perform chores more efficiently than human hands.As an outstanding illustration, history shows that some striking epics, telling the story of historical events, have deteriorated because of the fact that they reproduced by hands writing and this activity often includes some mistakes.(This example is very weak.Try to use another example, such as the invention of chinese printing, which allowed books and pamphlets to be produced quickly and correctly. Or the invention of the cotton gin, which promoted speed of cotton production. Make sure that you state somewhere in your essay that machines promotes speed.)

In conclusion,(don't use "in conclusion" because the reader already knows that the paragraph is the conclusion. Remember, the conclusion is the last thing the reader reads and is probably the things that he or she remembers the most. Maybe, you can try to restate your thesis in a new, refreshing way.) I prefer using machines for my works. Even if machines have their own errors, they have created for working without mistakes. They can also work inexhaustible. Finally,(redundant) convenient life equals to applying machines for our monotonous works.

Your essay has a pretty good base, but I think you need to elaborate a bit more since it is still a bit vague.
mal_nerak   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / "Why" + "Paid work experience" - My Syracuse essay.. [5]

Ifell in love with the school and began to dream of myself wearing a bright orange sweatshirt.
how does the bright orange sweatshirt related to the school? Is it the school's color? ( just a side question)
"I knew I loved to write, but actually being a writer did not seem possible."
The phrasing of the sentence sounds awkward. You can say something like "I knew I loved to write, but the aspect of becoming a writer seemed far away and impossible"

That mindset stayed with me until I joined journalism my sophomore year of high school.A fter my first year in journalism I knew I have found a loop hole.This led me to began the search for the perfect school for me to pursue my passion (this part sounds awkward and redundant, it would be best to revise it. ).
mal_nerak   
Dec 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Why its a good fit + Different points of view - Rochester Supplement [3]

#1: What makes Rochester a good fit for you?
An unquenchable curiosity and a desire for individuality separate my personality from the personalities of others. The University of Rochester's unique idea of an open curriculum is what caught my attention when my guidance counselor and I were discussing colleges that were compatible with me. The school's curricular flexibility allows me to focus on my intended major, while allowing me to explore other fields of interest with ease. I intend to pursue in the biochemistry major and University of Rochester's diverse research curriculum will not only give me the ability to study biochemistry but will also grant me access to the field of psychology, another subject that sparks my interests. UR offers endless exploration opportunities, thus allowing me to become a well-rounded pediatrician.

#2: Rochester students represent many different points of view. Each student constructs an independent study and research plan. Describe what you will contribute to Rochester's diversity of ideas, experiences, and identities. If you can, incorporate a positive past experience where you chose your own learning path, or a negative experience where you wanted to exercise more independence.

I don't have any ideas for the second question yet and I also dont quite understand what they are really asking for.

Karen Lam
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