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Posts by Masterus
Joined: Dec 25, 2009
Last Post: Dec 27, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
From: USA

Displayed posts: 7
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Masterus   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / CORNELL CAS Supplement Essay- Cheating on Humanities!? [7]

okay, I reorganized some of the paragraphs. Someone told me they didn't like the affair metaphor, and then someone told me they did. Any more opinions? One of the guys could just be an anomaly.
Masterus   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / CORNELL CAS Supplement Essay- Cheating on Humanities!? [7]

The prompt was College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

Cheating on Humanities!?

After seventeen years with a scientist, I notice a part of science remains alien to me. Whenever I encountered the periodic table, I saw 117 boxes with random numbers and letters. Yet, as far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a scientist.

When I was four, I thought scientists poked at things; doctors occasionally poked their syringes at me. One day, I bumped into the wall in my dad's office. Angry, I poked a key into an outlet in the wall imagining that I could hurt the wall just as the doctors did to me. The result? A crying, surprised boy who didn't know the difference between doctors and scientists. Even until recently, I didn't understand what a scientist did.

It was a cold, dry October morning. My affair with chemistry began in an unseeming location: the dirty, old chemistry room in my school. I walked through the crowded hallways and up the stairs, making my way to the chemistry wing. As I entered the room, the teacher yelled "Take a seat as I set up a cupric chloride solution and cut a strip of iron!" A few seconds later, the blue cupric chloride solution reacted with a strip of iron wire in sodium silicate gel. At first, the entire gel radiated a fiery blue, and the wire projected dark gray. The contents of the test tube, however, transformed overnight; the blue color had disappeared, and the wire had grown fur!

When I analyzed the results, searching for the particularities in the reaction, I couldn't grasp the task. What relationship? What reaction? I was like many spectators; I ventured too close and saw the 29 protons and electrons, and 35 neutrons. When that failed, I tried to sit back, but I saw a furry, gray wire suspended in a gel. Upon examining through a microscope, I touched the truth. A tangled web of copper branches, once-blue copper ions reduced to copper metal, hugged the iron; the mass of rust-colored fur had tricked me. At that moment, I discovered what scientist meant. Whereas anyone can react two elements, only a few can find the optimal viewing frame. The sheer awe immersed my mind as I realized scientists take pictures at the best resolution.

Even if I find that perfect frame, I won't be finished. I know I can overlook or look too much, but mistakes flood my quest. I believe the College of Arts and Sciences, with its focus on learning and experimenting, offers the viewing frames; I once heard a student at Cornell say "Cornell can be summed up simply: Be the best at what we undertake to do". The CAS has more than interesting, cutting edge experiments; it has passionate teachers who show their students how to reach the viewing frame. And in this passionate environment, I know that I will be molded into a scientist. Even though chemistry was so alien, I discovered it offered more than a few beautiful sights. Sorry, humanities, looks like it's me, not you.
Masterus   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application: A Historical Figure, Richard Feynman [4]

Remember, that introductions and conclusions are the greatest way to create an impression for an admissions officer. I think the beginning needs a sentence that just pulls the reader in; currently the first sentence is too lackluster; "The personality of the famous physicist Richard Feynman has made a great impact on me."

Wherever you used perhaps, I suggest removing that word. It is usually unnecessary and can create a pompous tone-if you heard someone say perhaps in many of his sentence, you would think he is arrogant.

I don't think ending with a poem is the best idea. The concluding sentence should end the essay by reflecting on what you have learned or what you hope to learn. In other words, it is a time for you to make a personal statement that will make the reader remember who you are. Tell us what you have learned, or what his influence is in your words, not Feynman's.
Masterus   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Instilled Certainty - My Supplement Essay for Princeton University [5]

I think that "I had been placed in Honors English, which was only below the "Gifted and Talented" English course in my middle school, and I was perfectly content being where I was." is unnecessary. It does not reflect the actual purpose of the essay. If you remove it, the introduction will transition better into your body.

"I'm a hard worker, but there's not a chance that I can handle a GT class." I don't think you should phrase the sentence like this. You don't want the readers to think that you have no confidence or that you are incapable. Moderate the sentence or remove it. Personally, I think it isn't needed.

Also, "I write this in honor of the surrogate mother who taught me to believe in the power of pen and paper, the one weapon of mass construction, I'm sure."

Surrogate mother seems to take away from the actual strength of the concluding sentence sentence. If anything, you should remove surrogate and place mother-surrogate is too clunky.

The rest flows well, but if you can, try to embed that quote into a sentence instead of leaving it as its own statement.
Masterus   
Dec 25, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay- Costume [3]

Here is my essay. I actually do not know which prompt to put this essay under for the common app. Any help would be appreciated in editing and finding what topic this fits under!

A Costume

Long before I braved the late nights of homework, before I devoured science fiction novels, I wanted to wear his costume. I have always wanted to see him standing on top of a building in the darkness. The wind blows toward him while he stands there like a rock; his cape wavering wildly in the back. At night, when most children are too tired to stay up, he roams the city to watch over its people.

One Saturday, when I was five, my friend and I came across a costume store in the suburbs of Bethesda. We saw every costume we dreamed about, but I stared at a particular costume. In front of me, laid the dark knight with his overwhelming black cape. He waited with a yellow belt filled with innovative contraptions and perky ears sharper than the paws of a panther. A dark blue radiated from his gloves and boots. How lonely the suit appeared! When we went shopping on Saturdays, I begged my mom to take me to that store to stare at the silent, incorruptible guardian frozen in time.

Months later, the end of October had arrived. I found myself inside the very dream I had imagined earlier. Outside my window, I saw superman, power rangers, and many other TV characters. As I slowly put on the trousers, tightened the belt, and placed the mask over my face, I joined the others in their quest for candy. From the moment I put on my uniform, I felt the justice of the night seep through me. As I watched the streets of Bethesda, I collected my sweets for compensation. The hours passed away, but I refused to return home. Collecting candy had become my duty.

On that day, every year, I assumed the form of a superhero. What appeared as a childish endeavor was, in fact, my curiosity. I was a kid who was learning English, a fan boy who believed in heroes, and a loner who constantly moved around. With the years, however, the costume became more important. When we moved with my dad's work, I lost many of the things I cared about. Yet, no matter where we were, something in our lives remained constant. Even though we had no permanent home, friends, or school, we always had the costume for one day of the year.

So it came to be that when we moved away, we searched for a costume store in Baltimore. Failing to find one, my mom and I decided to create a new costume. Using the original costume as a template, my mom sewed the black pieces of cloth together to expand the uniform. I took six spray painted altoid containers a yellow tint and attached them onto the sides of the yellow belt. For the cape, we took a black bed sheet and cut several sharp peaks into bottom and trimmed off the necessary sides; we sewed the trademark bat sign into the cape. Yet, beneath all of the new additions was still the same costume from the store.

When I had gone to Anime Expo in Los Angeles with a group of friends, I still wore the same costume. I cut new bed sheets and added new layers to stretch out the uniform. This time, I bought the materials with my savings. After wandering around, I noticed that there were other fanatics in costumes. It was like that night years before, but, there was no mom to urge me to walk up to the door; I was alone. And even when I ate lunch, I did not take off the costume. I wore the costume to celebrate my self-sufficiency and relieve myself from the frequent longing to be home.

Every year, I still make my costume. And each time I touch the soft, dark fabric, I remember how much I have changed and yet, not changed since those childhood days of battling evil and rescuing fair maidens.
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