I was thinking about using this essay I wrote in English class for the topic of choice. Do you think it works? Should I add anything??
Please write an essay (250 words minimum) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below. This personal essay helps us to become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself.
I believe in using your brain instead of your heart in any difficult situation. I live by this belief every day. Everyone has feelings and emotions that get in the way of their judgment whether they know it or not. But also, everyone uses logic and common sense every day. They are like yin and yang ï complete opposites, yet both are used to reach a common goal.
I am not trying to say a person's feelings or emotions are meaningless or anything of that matter, but I believe they cloud your judgment and can cause you to make bad decisions. Your heart is biased. Always. It will fight and pull to sway you one way without considering the consequences that might occur.
"Follow your heart." Everyone tells me that. How exactly am I supposed to do that? I never have a clear understanding of what my heart truly wants. Follow your brain would make much more sense to me. A brain analyzes every situation to the best of its ability. It isn't judgmental or manipulative, unless you let your feelings and emotions get in the way. My brain only wants what is best for me. It uses logic and common sense to see all sides of the problem or situation and, of course, keeps in mind, the consequences of every choice. It weighs out the pros and the cons and decides what action would be best.
Early on I realized that I could not always depend on my mom or dad to fix all my problems or take my side on everything. I grew up realizing that in order to be successful and live on my own, I would have to do things on my own. Dealing with a bully, deciding between a good and a bad choice, and even homework are examples of every day struggles a person like me has to deal with.
Logic conquers all. It does not subconsciously urge me to lean one way or it doesn't change according to my mood. I can always depend on it. Many times it is hard to use my brain and logic in a tough situation without getting my heart involved but doing so is very effective. One of the hardest times is in a relationship. My heart is screaming all sorts of things at me that it wants, but I let my brain overpower those urges and desires. My heart's urges do not take into account the consequences for the actions that they want.
I believe emotions and feelings should not interfere with logic. Important decisions and choices can be too costly to be made using your heart. Using my brain allows me to see all points and sides to a problem so I can make the best choice. I believe ï I truly believe ï the brain is the most important tool in life. Your heart is great, but your brain is better.
Hmm, this is a great topic but I think what you wrote isn't a great essay for college admissions.
The college wants to know you as a person and the essay doesn't tell me much. Your essay is shy of 500 words so you can definitely add more things to it. Make it more personal, give specific events that make you claim that logic is better an emotions. Rather than just stating you couldn't depend on your parents all the time or dealing with bullies, tell the story. Telling a story will make your essay will show the reader why you think logic is best and it will give me more of an insight of who you are because of your voice and thoughts.
I hope this helps.
I agree with Tictac, you should talk about maybe a personal situation that your mind gave you the right choice over your heart?
At the same time you don't want the college admissions officers to see you as a logical brainiac - because its the illogical things that make us who we are. Address the other side of the argument, make them see that you are willing to take chances, because that's when we follow our heart?
Hmmmm, awesomely define yourself as a rational
you can eliminate some conflict part and add more personal stuff
So what should I add to the essay to make it better?
Don't use the USA This I Believe prompt for your essay. I remember someone saying to avoid "This I Believe" type of essays.
