Posts by Alibaba
Joined: Dec 25, 2009 |
Last Post: Dec 29, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 5
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Displayed posts: 6
Undergraduate /
Short answer activity--volunteering at nursing home. [7]
argh, so tired yet in so much pain. I got my wisdom teeth removed today and I am starving! well nothing more worthwhile than doing this.
So hi guys, and thanks for all of your comments. I realize that deadlines are here in like 2 days! So i think this will be my near-final revised draft for the little, tiny, short answer. Don't know why Im feeling so stressed about it but here it is.
Undergraduate /
SLU: Most Influential person- The Fabled Mrs. Bilinski [8]
hey i think the whole autobiographical thing is creative but is this your common app essay or just essay for RPI? and did you get accepted already or are you trying to foreshadow that you will. and in my opinion i don't think that you focus on the influence and answer the prompt that well. is your second large post a revision of ur original essay or is it an addition becuz i think that it will be too large. i only read your second post with the chapters and u dont really say much except that you think the colleges should give u another chance because you messed up early in high school. i dont think that you should spend ur personal essay outlining why you should or should not get accepted but put that in the additional info or something. but I could be wrong as I dont quite understand what you are writing for.
Undergraduate /
Short answer activity--volunteering at nursing home. [7]
well i was hoping to explain my responsibilities and creativity. and i guess i didn't make it very clear that my recalling referred to when I bring resident out into the courtyard to talk becuz otherwise they would just b sitting in their rooms bored watching tv or spacing out. and i try to explain how i enjoy volunteering there because I can learn so much from the elders there. do u have any other suggestions on how i can make it less dry? I really believed that an elaboration on an activity was just briefly explaining more about what it entails.
Undergraduate /
Short answer activity--volunteering at nursing home. [7]
I've been looking at others' short responses and they seem to be in a story-form. I reserved that for my common app personal essay and my response seems to be just that--an elaboration on an activity. So can anyone give me their opinions on my short answer and does it need to be told in a story? and doesn't it just need to be something that is detailed more and not necessarily a life lesson?
Please elaborate on one of your activities. (150 words or fewer)I started volunteering at my local nursing home, Sacramento Health Care Center, in the summer of 2006. Working in the Recreations Department has given me the chance to be creative in planning fun events such as exotic cuisine exhibits and comedy sketches. However, I get the most satisfaction out of my work seeing the elderly residents smile whenever I come to visit them. Although the Center has staff working to ensure a homely, cozy atmosphere for the residents, I feel that it is one of my main responsibilities as a volunteer to devote my time and attention to each resident to provide a more intimate relationship. I cherish each relationship I build because they are indicators of my success in securing meaningful memories for me and my new-found companions. Not only does volunteering at the Center give me fulfillment as a contributor to the community, but many of residents are wise elders that I can learn much from based on their experiences.
It is 162 words and so I need to cut down some but I have included all that I want to say. So any suggestions and critiques. Thanks again everyone!
Undergraduate /
What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given, and why? [8]
there are some distracting grammar errors and your conclusion is kinda awkwardly-worded? i think your sentences should be more direct.
I really think that the advice is good and I like your response but the grammar issues are distracting and interrupt the flow of the essay.
Years before high school reserved
in veiled memories
now all popped out from
my mind. I was
weirdlysurprisingly calm when
I first arrived in Japan not knowing a Japanese word
. I accepted all the changes just like I always had. I grabbed my camera photographing clouds during the hottest August, r
o de my pink bike
, and looked up to the sky all day long.
In the inner heart, I longed for the permanence, long enough allowing me to see my pictures developed. How about
I longed for the permanence that would allow me to see my developed pictures. Undergraduate /
Common App Essay: What have you learned? (Topic of Own Choosing) - feedback [4]
Hey I'm new on this site also but I'll tell u what i think if u want. Overall I liked it but there are a few grammar mistakes that you may see once you reread it. also there are some redundant sentences or much flowery language thats unnecessary that is if you want to cut it shorter.
Ex. Cottleston Pie was a lesson especially hard for me to learn, and the one that cost me the most when I was trying to learn it.Maybe. Cottleston Pie was my costliest and most difficult lesson to learn.
I also think that there should be more of a personal story towards YOU. MAYBE (just my opinion) you can focus on one of the lessons?
But again it is a Topic of Your Choice essay, it is very unique I think. If you have time maybe you can look at my essays later?
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