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Posts by qwe123
Joined: Dec 26, 2009
Last Post: Dec 26, 2009
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qwe123   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Aviary Pagoda, Yuen Long Park, Hong Kong. Common App revisions - "Broadening Horizons" [13]

I like this essay a lot and how you tie the two stories together. I feel like this is a really strong essay. But what I didn't like:

- the cold water line; I felt like it fell flat
- the paragraph that starts with "Helping others..." while it isn't a bad paragraph at all I just felt like it was weak point of your essay which is over all very strong (best part IMO was the beginning); I think some sentences need to be reworded in order to improve flow and not make it sound awkward in parts

- agree with the above poster on removing the "From attending the AIDS walk..." sentence; its cliche and isn't as strong as the rest of the essay
qwe123   
Dec 26, 2009
Undergraduate / MIT Creativity Essay - "Nighttime is like Progresso New England Clam Chowder." [4]

I don't know about this essay. I kind of wanted to take a creativity prompt and use both a creative writing style AND a creative "idea." I considered writing about my research project, which would be very easy, but I don't know. I realize that this is MIT, but do you think they would appreciate something like this? And do you think I talked to little about the actual "idea." All response is helpful.

Link your essay, and I will gladly critique.

Tell us about a time you used your creativity. This could be something you made, a project that you led, an idea that you came up with, or pretty much anything else. (*) (200-250 words)

Nighttime is like Progresso New England Clam Chowder. It's thick, warm, and tastes overwhelmingly of potatoes. Well, not really, but Lucy tells me that if you perform two actions together enough then you start to associate them.

"Like classical conditioning?"

She shrugs. But I guess she has a point because when I think of canned soup, I think of the countless nights spent up on my roof with a bowl of clam chowder ("Coffee? Coffee. Will. Kill. You," says my mother, and I suppose she forgets about heights.).

That's the thing about living next door to your best friend since fourth grade though. The everyday things stop being enough, and you become kind of ridiculous in your search for adventure.

It started on a Wednesday. I had climbed out onto the ledge outside my bedroom window, and on a whim I called Lucy and cajoled her into joining me because well, in suburbia every house is built exactly the same. She climbed out onto her ledge and flashed the lights on her cell and I flashed mine back naturally, and I guess we never stopped.

Over the years cell phones turned to flashlights, and our obnoxious light game became a means of communication. Language changed with the times as our conversations morphed from television to clothes to boys and catalogued the best years of my life. Sure we'll never be like Morse and have our own Wikipedia article, but hey, to me, it's probably the best thing since sliced bread.
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