Posts by Jimmyzg213

Jimmyzg213

Jan 3, 2010

Undergraduate / My respect for my ideneity in Quito, Ecuador- Common App [6]

Thanks Tesha!!! You were really helpful. As you can tell, grammar is not on of my strong points. Thanks for the heads up on the direction of the essay towards the end. I meant to relate to what i though initially during the trip about being American. I just switched up the paragraphs and added some transitions. Its looks better now :D, but i gotta get started on cleaning up my supplement forms, yikes!

Cheers!

Jimmyzg213

Jan 2, 2010

Undergraduate / Pomona Supplement - My Deformed Finger [5]

Great essay! Very capturing and had some intense moments.

However, I think you can be a bit more direct on some of your statements to shorten it a bit.

Take this statement for example: "My fingers started shaking terribly by the third day, but they didn't stop creating pencil stroke after pencil stroke. They continued to mold the noses and lips of my statues-to-be."

I really like the transition in the first sentence, but it wouldn't hurt to say... I didn't stop creating pencil strokes...I continued to mold the noses and lips of my statue-to-be.

But that's just a suggestion. The overall essay flows, and is unique. Good job on being descriptive and detailed!!!

What do you think of mine?

Jimmyzg213

Jan 2, 2010

Undergraduate / Rice supplement - short answer. why the Natural Sciences school? [6]

Try making your first paragraph in present tense. Bring the reader to that moment of time when you started your fascination with science.

"By studying biology, I want to explore the complex, fascinating inner life of cells and raise the current level of understanding in this field of science study. The Weiss School of Natural Sciences offers outstanding and creative educational programs for biology majors. The department of Biochemistry and Cell Biology (BCB) and its biosciences curriculum has an extensive list of required courses and electives ones that target specific subjects such as Bios 440 on Enzyme Mechanisms"

This comment may be debatable but here it goes. I think the college probably has its fair share of complements, especially for their popular majors (I'm guessing in Bio). They probably know that. Its good to mention what you want to study at Rice, but reflect more on how it is significant to you personally. Being a bit more intimate can make you stand out more. Try looking at Rice's website to find out what its philosophy is and relate that to back to you, your major, and how Rice's learning environment will help you excel in the future.

Cheers

Jimmyzg213

Jan 2, 2010

Undergraduate / My respect for my ideneity in Quito, Ecuador- Common App [6]

Hi Guys, for my common app, I decided to write about my experience in Ecuador and the growth I experienced. Any comments/suggestions are welcomed. I will return the favor. Thanks!

Tell us about an intellectual experience, project, class, or book that has influenced or inspired you.

The air plane had just landed and suddenly the air was harder to breathe. "Bienvenidos a Quito, Ecuador"-Welcome to Quito, Ecuador- the flight attendant announces on the speaker in Spanish. It was hard for me to feel welcomed. I stood at six-foot tall, a Chinese-American with brown eyes and black hair, preparing for a summer abroad program. I felt nervous, and afraid to the thought of my host family feeling disappointed that I was not one of those "typical" Americans they would see on a MTV show-which are fairly popular in Ecuador; one with blue eyes, blond hair, and in an affluent family. In fact, I come from a low-income family where my parents were immigrants and the only way I could afford this trip was through a scholarship and working three jobs to pay for the tuition.

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