Undergraduate / "the first politics woman" - Why Wellesley Essay.. Advice? [6]

I need advice on my Wellesley essay, please! It is due Friday, and I really want it to sound nice. Any advice is welcome. :)

Every morning until December 2009, I awoke to the voice of one of the many successful products of Wellesley College: Diane Sawyer. It is no coincidence that Diane Sawyer is one of the most well renowned television journalists in the country and has been named one of the most powerful women in America by both Ladies' Home Journal and Forbes Magazine. Neither is it a coincidence that women's college alumnae constitute more than 20% of women in Congress and 30% of Business Week's list of rising women in corporate America. Indeed, the capabilities of women are truly fostered in an environment free of gender barriers. I admire the atmosphere that Wellesley provides where women are encouraged to participate in and out of the classroom, pursue interests that are generally male dominated, and succeed at all they partake in. By attending a women's college, I know the dedication to women will strengthen, encourage, and motivate me in all of my endeavors, especially those in math, science, and engineering, more so than in any other environment. My interest in these fields and determination to make groundbreaking discoveries and pursue lifelong learning will only be enriched at an institute like Wellesley. To add, not only does Wellesley provide the benefits of a women's college, but also its renowned academics, inspiring faculty with 98% of its members in possession of a Ph.D., resources within its college connections, opportunities for research, and the W Network will provide me with the best education I can possibly hope for. At the moment, I am not looking to limit myself to a specific major because I feel my entrance into college should be an open-minded experience. However, I am confident that a liberal arts education from Wellesley will quickly lead me to the path I am meant to follow.

My desire for bringing about change necessitates a university in which the diversity of the world around me is a natural part of daily life. I am a person who seeks diversity in the hopes of generating unique ideas that stem from the varying thoughts of people from all walks of life. In turn, Wellesley's close proximity to Boston, its encouragement of international and academic variety, and the ample opportunities to study abroad will impel me to become engaged in the real world and make an impact on the city of Boston and the world outside of it. Additionally, as a liberal arts school that provides the opportunity to cross-register with additional research institutions such as MIT and Olin College of Engineering, I will have the chance to thoroughly explore my interest in math and science and expand on what I have learned at Wellesley. With the newfound additional confidence I will develop, I know that an education from Wellesley will allow me to succeed in such fields far more than an education at a coeducational institution would. A Wellesley education is not solely based on the content of the material presented in the classroom but also the environment in which it is taught. Also, with the school's many resources, I will have the opportunity to further investigate the myriad of subjects presented by the core, make connections across disciplines, and discover new passions that I will pursue at Wellesley, graduate school, and beyond. With my perseverance and desire to work diligently toward my goal of having an impact on the world, I know I will fulfill the qualifications of a true Wellesley girl.

Undergraduate / "E pluribus unum"; TUFTS - Let your life speak [4]

There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today.

Does is drag on? Is my point made clear enough and do you get a real picture of me? How is the ending? I need help, please! All feedback is greatly appreciated!

E pluribus unum. It is a phrase so well associated with the American culture that it has made its way onto U.S. currency. However, though the phrase has passed through the hands of almost every American since the conclusion of the Revolutionary War, it is often long forgotten. For this reason, the accuracy "e pluribus unum" has in describing the student body of my high school makes it a rarity and model of American intent I have come to appreciate. More than most other aspects of my upbringing, the mentality and structure of my high school have greatly influenced me in becoming the college bound senior I am today. In my school, the bounds of culture and lifestyle do not separate the rich from the poor, the black from the white, or the religious from the atheists. It is when I am away from my hometown participating in various summer programs that I realize the difference in mentality between those people from Sayreville and those from elsewhere in the country and become cognizant of the influence my school has had on my individuality. In this environment in which diversity is encouraged, witnessing a group of friends of a variety of nationalities with wardrobes ranging from rags to riches is an accepted and expected sight. I round the corners of the hallways in hopes of seeing another example of the foundation on which America was built. The "out of many one" philosophy of my high school has inspired me to be the accepting person I am today, and as I near my graduation day, I await the diversity that lies ahead at Tufts that will serve as encouragement in my growth as a true American.