Sunshinydays323
Jan 4, 2010
Scholarship / Commonapp essay - Encounter a beggar [3]
"'Uncle, please help this old man.' The beggar stood in front of me, showed me his shivering bony hands and murmured." hbrad8002
You may wnat to reword the way you say this sentence because at first it seems as if you are saying this as the old man is standing in front of you.
"He took the motorbike out of the narrow door and said the beggar firmly 'Sorry uncle, we don't have any money here.'"
Is there any significance to why he is bringing out the motorbike?
Other than that the essay is wonderful! A great use of description, I could almost see the shivering old man in my head.
Could you please comment my essay?
"'Uncle, please help this old man.' The beggar stood in front of me, showed me his shivering bony hands and murmured." hbrad8002
You may wnat to reword the way you say this sentence because at first it seems as if you are saying this as the old man is standing in front of you.
"He took the motorbike out of the narrow door and said the beggar firmly 'Sorry uncle, we don't have any money here.'"
Is there any significance to why he is bringing out the motorbike?
Other than that the essay is wonderful! A great use of description, I could almost see the shivering old man in my head.
Could you please comment my essay?