brittdeno
Jan 18, 2010
Book Reports / Essay on Structural Violence as Explained by Paul Farmer's Anthropology [5]
I would take out the "--" and just end the second sentence at that; it seems too wordy. The last sentence also reads a teeny bit stilted.
Maybe you could say, "The invisible structures of modern society divide humanity into the impoverished and the affluent, denying a large percentage of the world's population access to expensive medical care. As a result, the wealthy minority ignores the world's impoverished majority, as if there were a blinding wall between the rich and the poor. The theologian Pablo Richard reminds us that the poor are "obliged to die in the silence of history" because..." (add in your own "fun" here about cultural hegemony; the upper class writes the history books, etc., etc.)
I think you need to explain why you included the quote - it does tie in nicely with the second paragraph with suffering in silence!
Just sprinkling in a few words to make it sound stronger!
This part of the paragraph will be clearer if you break your sentences into smaller chunks: "Specifically, Farmer comments about the frequent statement that tuberculosis is "reemerging" due to renewed outbreaks in Europe and North America. In places like Haiti, Africa, and South Asia, thousands (I don't know if this is correct; maybe look it up? It's probably more, right?) have been the victims of this disease, one that can be easily cured with the application of effective therapy. This serves as "another reminder of the invisibility of the poor," who cannot gain access to expensive live-saving treatments, and it is a prime example of structural violence in societies."
"By describing the appalling stories of Acephie and Chouchou, he demonstrates how structural violence is closely interlocked with poverty, and how it is ultimately responsible for their deaths."
This should probably be two sentences, too. How does one's socioeconomic status limit his or her life? Show that you know what this means by giving an example! Think about access to opportunities, (invisible) barriers people face...
I like where you're going here, but it'd be better if the sentence structure stayed parallel and/or if you tied it in to the big picture: "The effects of structural violence are widespread but overlooked. Hunger, suffering, inadequate access to medical care, and deaths: these could be prevented or assuaged if the affluent confront social inequalities rather than arguing about "cultural differences." ---- I'm not sure what you mean by cultural differences here, so maybe end with an example of said differences. What exactly is the developed world bickering about instead of the actual problem?
Overall, great job! I don't think I ever read about this topic in my anthro classes, but just reading it taught me something new...and made me miss school a little :)
-B
p.s. any help with my essay would be very much appreciated!
According to the medical anthropologist Paul Farmer, structural violence predominantly affects the world's socioeconomically poor. The structures of the modern society, divided between the "impoverished" and the "affluent," deny the large percentage of the world's population access to medical care--medical care that is disdainfully deemed to be cost-ineffective for the poor. As a result, the world's impoverished, as said by the theologian Pablo Richard, "are obliged to die in the silence of history" behind a blinding wall, dividing the rich and the poor.
I would take out the "--" and just end the second sentence at that; it seems too wordy. The last sentence also reads a teeny bit stilted.
Maybe you could say, "The invisible structures of modern society divide humanity into the impoverished and the affluent, denying a large percentage of the world's population access to expensive medical care. As a result, the wealthy minority ignores the world's impoverished majority, as if there were a blinding wall between the rich and the poor. The theologian Pablo Richard reminds us that the poor are "obliged to die in the silence of history" because..." (add in your own "fun" here about cultural hegemony; the upper class writes the history books, etc., etc.)
I think you need to explain why you included the quote - it does tie in nicely with the second paragraph with suffering in silence!
In Infections and Inequalities: the Modern Plagues, Paul Farmer explains that this "wall" is most evident in the incorrect claims of infectious disease being "emerging" or "new," made only when the world's rich are affected. This is especially striking because the poor, mostly confined to Least Developed Countries, have been and still are suffering in silence.
Just sprinkling in a few words to make it sound stronger!
Specifically, Farmer comments that the common statement of tuberculosis as "reemerging" due to renewed outbreaks in Europe and North America as "another reminder of the invisibility of the poor" who in places like Haiti, Africa, and South Asia have been the victims of tuberculosis--a disease that can be easily cured with the application of effective therapy that is inaccessible or rather, "cost-ineffective" for the poor. Due to poverty, the poor are limited in their desperate efforts to better their health--and are limited even in their own lives through the structural violence of societies.
This part of the paragraph will be clearer if you break your sentences into smaller chunks: "Specifically, Farmer comments about the frequent statement that tuberculosis is "reemerging" due to renewed outbreaks in Europe and North America. In places like Haiti, Africa, and South Asia, thousands (I don't know if this is correct; maybe look it up? It's probably more, right?) have been the victims of this disease, one that can be easily cured with the application of effective therapy. This serves as "another reminder of the invisibility of the poor," who cannot gain access to expensive live-saving treatments, and it is a prime example of structural violence in societies."
With the appalling stories of Acephie and Chouchou, he describes poverty, interlocked with structural violence, as the sole cause of their horrific deaths.
"By describing the appalling stories of Acephie and Chouchou, he demonstrates how structural violence is closely interlocked with poverty, and how it is ultimately responsible for their deaths."
Structural violence is not caused by an individual's actions or will; instead, it is defined and structured by an individual's social status since his or her socioeconomic status limits his or her life.
This should probably be two sentences, too. How does one's socioeconomic status limit his or her life? Show that you know what this means by giving an example! Think about access to opportunities, (invisible) barriers people face...
The silence in which the poor have to suffer, the inadequate access to medical care, the hunger, the suffering, and numerous deaths around the world are all effects of structural violence--a violence that could be prevented or assuaged if the affluent confront the social inequalities rather than arguing about "cultural differences."
I like where you're going here, but it'd be better if the sentence structure stayed parallel and/or if you tied it in to the big picture: "The effects of structural violence are widespread but overlooked. Hunger, suffering, inadequate access to medical care, and deaths: these could be prevented or assuaged if the affluent confront social inequalities rather than arguing about "cultural differences." ---- I'm not sure what you mean by cultural differences here, so maybe end with an example of said differences. What exactly is the developed world bickering about instead of the actual problem?
Overall, great job! I don't think I ever read about this topic in my anthro classes, but just reading it taught me something new...and made me miss school a little :)
-B
p.s. any help with my essay would be very much appreciated!
