Standing in the middle of the suffocating atmosphere of The National airport in Vietnam, I grasped for air. Leaving behind the familiar and comforting feeling of my homeland, I took flight to a foreign nation. Once I landed in LAX airport, the sight of paved streets, rushing cars, and mechanical stairs bewildered me and as I advanced towards the exit, I prepared myself for the challenges ahead.
When I arrived in California for the first time, I've stepped into a completely different environment. Amidst the unfamiliar ambiance, the sight of my grandma's flimsy body in a floral traditional gown reminded me of the comfort of home; however the sound of two American women chit-chatting while passing by dragged me back to the paved side walk of LAX airport. Once I arrived in my family's new home, more oddities struck out at me as a constant reminder that I am no longer in the comfort of my homeland.
By the second week, the peculiarities only worsened as I enter school. Having complete lacking of knowledge of the English language I failed to understand any given lessons in school or communicate with any of the students in class. During lunch a wave of emptiness and loneliness swept over me with a cold chilling sensation. However, among that vast cold sea, a Vietnamese teacher approached me in an attempt to spark a conversation by asking for my name. The simple question about my identity then turned into a conversation and soon enough, I found similarities between the teacher and I. We didn't just come from the same country, but also shared the same difficulty in learning the language and adjusting ourselves in the new environment. Through conversations, the teacher revealed her complications and challenges when she first arrived here in the United States and how she managed to overcome those adversities and succeeded in the new environment. Her stories inspired me and compelled me to persevere through my challenges
With an inspiration and a glimpse of hope, I made an effort to succeed. I tried desperately to prove to my self that I can overcome the language barrier, and that I too am capable of succeeding in the new environment just like the teacher. So I spent countless hours studying in the library, trying to improve on my English, knowing that the seed I planted would one-day bloom. Soon enough, my hard work resulted in success. I continually scored high in my English classes and was thrilled when I receive my first creative writing award in the beginning of high school year. I was even more ecstatic when I passed my first English Advance Placement exam in my junior year. At that moment, I could not be happier with my self and I walked through that day with a bright smile on my face, unable to hide the exhilarating feeling of accomplishment. Since then I knew that I had accomplished in adapting to the new environment, but more importantly, at that same moment, I realized that I've proven to myself that I can achieve something no one never thought I could and its going to help me succeed in the future despite unfamiliar circumstances.
Though my parent's decision to move to America placed me in an unfamiliar environment that stifled me from success, it also gave me a chance to grow into a more versatile person, ready to succeed in any environment.
Great start :) You're setting a nice opening scene for your essay, and I like how it unfolds! Here's a potential revision of your first two paragraphs (which, of course, you're all welcome to revise some more). When you do your second draft, think about varying your sentence structure a bit more; it will help things flow better!
Standing in the middle of the suffocating atmosphere of The National airport in Vietnam, I grasped for air. Leaving behind the familiar and comforting feeling of my homeland, I took flight to a foreign nation. Once I landed in LAX airport, the sight of paved streets, rushing cars, and mechanical stairs bewildered me and as I advanced towards the exit, I prepared myself for the challenges ahead.
"In the final moments before I departed from (use the name of the actual airport!) in Vietnam, I gasped for air. Not only did the stale atmosphere inside the airport feel suffocating to me, but I was also about to leave the familiarity and comfort of my homeland. Before I knew it, my plane landed in Los Angeles International Airport. The sight of mechanical stairs, rushing cars, and paved streets bewildered me. As I cautiously made my way toward the exit, I mentally prepared myself for the challenges ahead."
When I arrived in California for the first time, I've stepped into a completely different environment. Amidst the unfamiliar ambiance, the sight of my grandma's flimsy body in a floral traditional gown reminded me of the comfort of home; however the sound of two American women chit-chatting while passing by dragged me back to the paved side walk of LAX airport. Once I arrived in my family's new home, more oddities struck out at me as a constant reminder that I am no longer in the comfort of my homeland.
"Arriving in California for the first time was like stepping onto a completely different planet. The sight of my grandma's flimsy body in a traditional floral gown immediately reminded me of Vietnam, but the sound of two American women chit-chatting dragged me back to where I was standing -- the noisy sidewalk of LAX. Once I arrived in my family's new home, even more oddities stuck out as a constant reminder that this was not home."
I've got to stop procrastinating and write an essay of my own, but I hope that helps a bit and gives you an idea of how to revise!
Britt
