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Posts by Somayeh
Joined: Jan 26, 2010
Last Post: Dec 13, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  

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Somayeh   
Dec 9, 2010
Undergraduate / "Access to educational styles" - Study abroad Statement of Intent: Netherlands [4]

Hey all!

Thanks to everyone who helped me with my transfer application essay last year. Thanks to your help, I got accepted (!) and am currently attending UC Berkeley. I'm applying to study abroad in the Netherlands next here and the application includes a 2 page essay. Any help you could offer would be greatly appreciated. Also, I can't seem to think of a suitable title, so ideas are welcome! =)

Here is the prompt:

What are your educational goals for your EAP option?
(Approximately 1.25 pages of essay)
Keeping in mind the academic focus of your EAP option, include ALL of the following in your response:
-What attracted you academically to the program or host institution?
-How does the program complement your studies at UC? Will you take courses towards your major(s), minor, general education (GE), breadth requirements, or general elective credits outside of your major field of study?

-Are there requirements must you satisfy on EAP in order to stay on track for graduation?
-What is your level of proficiency in the language of the host country in each of the areas of reading, writing, speaking, and listening comprehension? In what areas do you seek improvement? (Not applicable for programs where English is the national language.)

-How are you preparing to achieve your educational goals on EAP?

What are your personal goals/interests for your EAP option?
(Approximately .75 pages of essay)
In your essay, address at least one of the following topics:
-What interests or life experiences influenced your choice of EAP option/country? Have you ever visited your host country?
-What interests you culturally, socially and/or politically about your host country?
-What skills do you hope to develop on EAP and how might these influence your future career or graduate school objectives?
-In what ways would you be a good cultural ambassador of UCB, California and the United States of America?
-How do you think the housing option for this program will challenge and/or enhance your personal and academic goals? If your program has multiple housing options, discuss the option that interests you.

Here is my essay:
~~~~~~~

I am a firm believer that access to a wide breadth of educational styles is essential for creating well-rounded self-motivated professionals. University College Maastricht offers a variety of academic opportunities that offer an exciting contrast to those available to me at University of California, Berkeley. The most attractive of these opportunities involve first-hand experience in research, small class and group sizes, and a focus on building problem-solving skills in an academic context. As I look forward to my senior year next year, I am mindful of the fact that my academic goals will revolve around preparing myself for the rigors of graduate school. I believe that these three major attractions will be invaluable in helping me achieve this goal.

As I see it, the most important aspect of this preparation is gaining vital experience in research. University College Maastricht offers skills training courses in research methods, research proposal writing workshops and semester-long independent research projects. The skills gained through such opportunities will be invaluable as I pursue research master's and Ph.D. degrees in graduate school. Small class sizes will ensure that I am able to seek the help I need in developing these skills and the problem-based learning approach will help me build the critical-thinking skills necessary for the pursuit of academic research.

However, my time at University College Maastricht will not exclusively be spent in a research lab. In order to graduate, I will still need to take at least 6 semester units of coursework with 3 units coming from an upper-division psychology class. With a full time workload in the year-long EAP program, I will have no trouble meeting the first requirement. With regard to the second requirement, I find myself excited about the prospect of taking a class that is less frequently offered at UC Berkeley, such as Identities, Economic Psychology or Organization Theory.

Out of the classroom, I look forward to immersing myself in Dutch culture and improving my Dutch language skills. Having completed the first level of Rosetta Stone's Dutch language program already, I am confident that I will be able to complete level 2 before my departure next year. My listening and reading skills have progressed enough that I am able to understand and follow simple conversations in Dutch, but I still need to think very carefully and consult dictionaries when attempting to speak or write beyond a beginner's level. I intend to work on improving these skills during my year abroad.

My desire to study abroad in the Netherlands emerged out of a growing interest in Dutch culture and society after forging friendships with Dutch students online. As these friendships have grown, my exposure to Dutch cultures has also grown. Last summer I took two trips to the Netherlands, spending a total of 30 days there exploring Flevoland and learning about the history of hydraulic engineering, experiencing a-day-in-the-life of a resident of Breda and visiting Maastricht. During winter break this year, I will be returning to the Netherlands to spend another month there. During this trip, I hope to spend some time with an uncle who lives in Leiden and spending New Year's Eve in Limburg.

Studying abroad in the Netherlands is a great opportunity to expand my knowledge of other cultures and the location of University of Maastricht in the south of the country is especially convenient for traveling to Germany, Belgium and even Luxembourg. I intend to make the most of the opportunities studying abroad has to offer and through them, enjoy the diversity - both academically and culturally - that this unique experience has to offer.
Somayeh   
Jan 29, 2010
Undergraduate / need direction for "platform on environmental issues, education, etc" paper [5]

Only you can decide which would be better for you. Personally, I like using quotes in my writing. I find one that best fits the amorphous blob of thoughts I'd like to get across and then use the quote to help me zero in on the tone of the paper. Once I have that, I can put the rest into words. You can use the quote as a starting point, and see how you feel about it afterward. You can always rewrite your intro to fit the tone of the rest of your paper after you've written it - I certainly do it often enough! Right now, you just have to get writing. You've got the hard part - the content! - down already. You just have to trust yourself enough to put the platform down on paper.
Somayeh   
Jan 29, 2010
Undergraduate / fascinated by psychology: "reasons for transfering and the objectives...." ComAp [5]

Prompt: Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

Of course spelling/grammatical corrections are ALWAYS welcome! I'd also appreciate any insights you might provide on the content and style. I'd especially like to know if the piece answers the question while giving the reader a sense of who I am. =) Thanks for taking the time.

~~~


I was a sensitive kid; Adults fondly teased that I was an "empath," somehow innately aware of the mental states of those around me. I didn't understand where this special ability came from, but I was grateful that it allowed me to sense when my friends and family needed someone to talk to. When I was 13 years old, my mother was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder and possible borderline personality disorder. I grew to understand that her often erratic behavior had taught me at an early age to be sensitive to minute changes in peoples' moods. I finally understood where my unique ability came from. I was awed and humbled that the ability that had brought me so much joy could have arisen from my mother's painful emotional turmoil. From that point forward, I was fascinated by psychology. I bought and borrowed every "pop psychology" book I could find. I searched library used book sales for bargains on old college text books. While my classmates flipped through the pages of Seventeen and CosmoGirl, I poured over articles about gender differences, nonverbal communication and relationship dynamics. By age 15, I knew that I wanted to become a psychologist.

In 2002, I began to work for multiple medical clinics in the area. In my line of work, a missed deadline could jeopardize the livelihoods of many of my co-workers and cause patients to lose insurance benefits. Being responsible for such a key role in medical clinics for six years taught me to be disciplined and manage my time efficiently. In the course of my work, I reviewed and summarized psychiatric medical records detailing evaluations, treatment methods and final diagnoses. During visits to the offices, I was able to speak with therapists and psychiatrists who worked directly with patients. This vital access to professionals in the field gave me the opportunity to learn about biofeedback techniques and the core psychological principles of pain management. Working in such close proximity to my life's passion has only reaffirmed my desire to continue my education.

In watching my mother's struggle with her condition, I have come to believe in the value of an empathetic and compassionate professional in facilitating growth and healing. My experiences in the workforce have taught me the importance of hard work and having clear priorities. I believe that the insights I have gained through living with a loved-one suffering from a mental disorder give me a unique perspective. I believe that I can only achieve personal fulfillment and professional success through service to others and I want to transfer into a B.A. program so that I can continue to study psychology and hopefully, one day, be able to offer the level and quality of care that I would have liked my mother to have received.
Somayeh   
Jan 29, 2010
Undergraduate / Rice Supp -- How will you contribute to Rice? [4]

...second person that day who had uttered those same irritating words on my earto me . Did they really not know that I spoke Portuguese instead of Spanish?

But, I then realized(you don't want to start a sentence out with "But" because it's grammatically incorrect. Try something like "Eventually, I realized", etc) that these stereotypical remarks were...

Fortunately, my exchange program enabled me to perceive that living in a different culture had made me more understanding to(Grammatically incorrect. Try "about," "of," or "toward.") different traditions.

...I felt like it would be important for me to share some of my culture with bymy Canadian friends, that way opening(Grammatically incorrect. Try: "thereby opening" or "in order to open") their minds to the diversity of our human race...

...I started talkedtalking about Brazil twenty-four seven, (I would talk to your English teachers about what the rule would be for this phrase. I'm not sure if it's best to leave it the way it is or use the numerals/symbol of 24/7)

...about the strong influence of the Catholic religion inon our culture...

With that viewpoint, I trust that I will contribute to Rice University by promoting an environment that integrates minorities into all spectrums of the institution.("Spectrum" is inherently a singular concept. Try instead: "the full spectrum of life at the institution") .

Your writing from start to finish is strong, aside from some minor grammatical/translation errors, but I especially enjoyed your closing. It is a stroke of genius to start with the SPECIFIC programs on campus that you'd like to take advantage of/can contribute to and then take it one step further by specifying a change you would recommend to an on-campus community. This will give the reader a concrete example of your potential contributions to the campus and gives the reader the impression that you've taken the time to get to know Rice & what it has to offer. The very last paragraph could be developed further, but I like that you've taken your point to a more personal level. Keep it up, it's going to be hard to compete with you come deadline-time!
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