Writing Feedback / Narrative Essay about ghosts - trouble placing my thesis [2]

Im writting a narration essay and im having trouble placing my thesis. I'm thinking that i should change my first paragragh a lot and possible move my thesis to the end. Also, i think i need a better place to start my story rather than saying "ever since I was young... ". Any suggestions? PLEASE help me edit my essay. THANKS!

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Have you ever wondered if ghosts exist? People in the past, have made countless claims reporting the apparitions they have seen or encountered. Children especially, are more commonly known to have interactions with ghosts. It is believed, that this is because, children have not yet had years to adjust their thinking of what to accept or not accept as reality. Adults program their thinking to consequently refuse certain images and noises as being real. In telling our children that it was just a bad dream, we are inadvertently teaching them to mistrust what they may have actually been seeing. This will then build on their concept of reality as they are being trained not to believe in ghosts or other phenomenon. Therefore, we shouldn't impose the idea onto our children that ghosts aren't real without factual knowledge considering the experiences of others have proven other possibilities. There is an event that happened to me in which challenges my belief in the existence of spirits.

Ever since I was young, I've been strangely afraid of almost everything imaginable. Sleeping especially was difficult for me given my vast imagination. As soon as the light was out, I became incredibly fearful of the objects surrounding me as they would mutate into deadly creatures. In an attempt to comfort me, my mom would constantly explain that the images I was seeing weren't real.

Around the age of nine, I was living back in my old apartment. My room was a dull yellow with a bordering Disney wallpaper. In my room, I had this white wicker rocking chair situated across my bed that was given to me by my grandmother.

One night, months after my grandmother passed away, I found myself in a restless sleep. I can still remember the rain lightly pattering against my window and the rhythmic thrusts of the tree branch caused by the fierce wind. I tossed and turned in my bed, trying to find a comfortable position but instead I found the noises from outside rather distracting. As I turned to gaze towards my window I caught a glimpse my rocking chair, slowly moving back and forth. An image suddenly became clearer to me for it was what appeared to be my grandmother. With her short, dark hair, piercing eyes, and that congenial smile I could recognize her immediately. Panicked, I abruptly closed my eyes. With my head smothered in my pillow, I tried convincing myself that she was simply a figment of my imagination. My palms were now gradually becoming sweaty and so I rubbed them against the cool bed sheet fabric. Finally, I decided that I'd take another look and prove to myself that I was just seeing things. With my eyes still tightly shut, I removed my face from within the pillow and faced the rocking chair. Bravely, I opened my eyes. Again, there she was. Only this time, her head was rested on her arms at the edge of my bed directly in front of my face. She was smiling. Immediately I closed my eyes. I wanted to scream but I couldn't, something was stopping me. My mouth was really dry and I had this slight burning sensation in my mouth. All the sudden, I could feel a blanket of cold air hovering over me and I began to shake uncontrollably. Unexpectedly, I gained control and yelled for my mom. She came running; turned on the light and asked me what was wrong. With my eyes still closed and my head in my pillow, I told her what I saw. She then assured me that I was "just dreaming" and that it wasn't real.

My experience has therefore allowed me to realize the possibility that there are spirits roaming our world that try to come into contact with certain people. However, given my mom's efforts to convince me otherwise, my concept of reality was likely molded and altered. As a result, I never had another encounter with my grandmother or any other spirit for that matter.

Writing Feedback / Should marketers be allowed to target children in their ad campaigns? [3]

This essay is for my grade 12 english class. Can someone please edit it and just tell me what you think? What can I do to improve it? would you classify it as argumentation and persuasion? What else does it need?

Thanks.

Topic: Should marketers be allowed to target children in their ad campaigns?

Marketers, with their sole purpose to sell, manipulate their audiences through their persuasive messages communicated in their advertisements. With money always being the primary objective, marketers select young children to be their victims targeted in their ad campaigns. This is given that children under the age of ten lack cognitive development and are more susceptible to being influenced by the media seeing as how they are unable to comprehend the intentions of marketers. Therefore, in knowing your children buy into the alluring techniques of media, marketers are successfully playing them for a profit.

All media are constructions that ultimately known to skillfully persuade children into consuming their products. However, given that children are unknowledgeable of media being constructed, they are unable to comprehend that ads are essentially the skillful tactics of marketers. Therefore, based on their vulnerability to understand products of media, they are regularly deceived by the persuasive messages in advertisements. This seems rather unjust to have children exposed to media when considering that those under the age of ten are likely incapable of differentiating between reality and what is inaccurately presented to them in the media. As a result of a child's favorite super hero i.e. Spiderman is essentially promoting violence and yet a child only notices their super hero as being socially accepted and "cool". After seeing this ad, the child abruptly runs to his/her parents begging them to purchase the product what will enable them to have such characteristics as their favorite super hero. Subsequent to the viewing of the ad that possibly shows Spiderman in action, children audiences have been commonly known to imitate the violent behaviors and actions of this super hero. This reveals how young children are easily influenced by products of media as they desire and attempt to exhibit the experiences they were just exposed to. In the James Bulger case-where two ten year old boys allured a two year old boy away from his mother leading him to the train tracks where the then proceeded to beat him with stones-it was proposed that media was somewhat responsible for this vulgar behaviour. This is given that the crime played out the two perpetrators was similar to the schemes in Child's Play 3 and evidence shows that they were both subject to this film prior to committing the crime. Now, although other issues at home seemed to be relevant causes, there is not other evidence that can explain how these two ten year olds even came up with the idea similar to the one in Child's Play 3, when having committed their crime. Thus, seeing the impact of media on these two ten year old boys, it is clear that marketers should not be allowed to target children in the ad campaigns.

Media also have social implications that can cause pressure amongst children and their parents. Initially, it begins with the media persuading and alluring children in to wanting their products. Now given that children under the age of ten cannot acquire a job and thus do not have money of their own, they look to their parents in hope of satisfying their wants. However, some parents may feel pressured to do so as it may seem that they are lacking in their responsibilities as a parent if they cannot. Or, other parents may just feel pressured to provide these unnecessary wants of their children to substitute for being constantly busy working. Regardless, if the parents are not able to follow through in providing their child with whatever unnecessary item they are currently bugging them for, children might experience tremendous peer pressure at school. This is given that ever child on the playground may have obtained this popular, new gadget and if you're the only one that hasn't you tend to be excluded and taunted by the others. Being this only child without the gadget, relationships with their parents may result in suffering damage. Therefore, it is obvious that children should not be targets by markets given that their values are often shaped by media and can result in pressure amongst children and parents.

To conclude, seeing as how media are constructions and have social implications, children under the age of ten should not be targeted by marketers. This is because, due to their lack of cognitive development, they are more susceptible to being influenced by the media given that they are unable to comprehend the intentions of marketers, and this is considered unjust, However, although there is evidence that they should not be targeted in ad campaigns, there are also claims that encourage marketers in targeting children. This is because having them subjected to media in early age will only enable them to make well rounded decisions in the future. Nonetheless, given the amount of consumerism in our world today, indicates that even the adults who were targeted in ads at a young age have continued to be influenced by media.