Writing Feedback / "a freshly mowed lawn in summer" - Descriptive Senses Composition [7]

My assignment: Write a five paragraph descriptive composition on what I see, hear, smell, and touch on a freshly mowed lawn in summer. It's really hard not writing my thoughts and feelings! I'm afraid this might be more like a narrative...I'd appreciate some comments and suggestions. Thanks for reading!

A sudden realization dawns on me as I look outside the window. I feel as if I am awakening from a deep, cold sleep. I decide that I must step outside for a closer look. The French doors leading into my backyard open with a loud creak, and a wave of heat like that of an open oven hits me in the face. I step out onto the rough concrete patio, balancing a cold metal tray of lemonade in my hands. So as not to upset the glasses, I carefully maneuver my elbow on the door handle to stop the escape of the cool indoor air. Then I walk out onto the edge of the grass to observe the unfolding scene.

It is truly a mesmerizing sight to behold. Everything is bathed in golden sunlight, except for the long, still shadows cast on the ground. My own black-blue shadow stretches out beside me like a taller twin. A short, emerald carpet rolls out before me, the freshly cut blades scattered in every which way. Dozens of dragonflies dart around, so undecided about where to land. A blur of blonde fur with a wagging tail runs off in pursuit of them. My dad is straining behind a huge lawnmower that is eating up the yard and spitting out a trail of fresh green cuttings. His red face lights up when he sees the sparkling glasses in my hands. The sun above is an unbearably bright, white orb, the sky an endless azure ocean. Sunflower faces the size of dinner plates are turned upward to absorb the rays. Some of the smaller flowers have limp petals and wrinkled stems. My mom has picked up the long green hose that snakes through the garden in an attempt to revive the withering plants. Water cascades out of its mouth and falls like diamonds on the parched earth. A few brown earthworms are wiggling in the mud, while the neighboring army of ants panics over its disturbed home. Through the slats in the fence I can see the gopher tortoises emerge from their sandy den to rummage through the wild scrub forest for food. My backyard has become Mother Nature's showcase.

Then there are the sounds of the season that reach my ears like music. The snap of terrier jaws comes from somewhere in the bushes, and then the sound of little paws still chasing dragonflies. The persistent puppy is panting, and every now and then there is the sound of his tongue lapping up water from the bowl on the patio. The swaying tag on his collar sounds like a bell as it beats against the rim of the metal dish. Then I hear the dying roar of the lawnmower and the scrape of the shed door being opened. From the direction of the garden comes the squeaky turn of the hose faucet and then the last few drops of water pattering onto the dirt. I can hear the slithering of the hose being wound up. Then a hum starts beneath my feet and the sprinklers begin to hiss, the spray of water pounds against the house windows. There is also the sound of ice cubes clinking inside the glasses of lemonade on my tray. However, all of these sounds are almost drowned out by the vibrating of countless hidden cicadas. All of these sounds are telling me that what I suspected is true.

What I feel and smell in my backyard gives me further confidence. The heavy metal tray grows slippery in my sweating hands, and the frost on the glasses melts and causes water droplets to race down my fingers. My face is growing very hot, as if all of the sun's rays are focused upon it. I can feel sweat trickling down my face and burning my eyes, and my shoulders are beginning to feel the sting of severe sunburn. The grass blades tickle my bare feet, but the cool mud brings my toes relief. The only breeze I feel is that caused by my dog racing by my legs, but some of the sprinklers' mist fortunately reaches me. There is, of course, that infamous itchy feeling caused by grass blades sticking to wet skin. The nauseatingly sweet smell of lemonade reaches my nose. There is also a hint of perspiration and suntan lotion in the air. The most obvious scents are those of fresh cut grass and churned earth. These are all telltale signs of a beginning season.

All of my senses are picking up one beautiful message: summer is here. All of the beautiful summer colors are visible, and all of nature is singing. I recognize the touch of summer's hand, and the smells of my baking backyard. Memories of summers past sweep into my mind. All of these familiar details bring with them the excitement of a new summer unfolding before me and the chance to make more memories.

Writing Feedback / Two types of transportation: Is Compare and Contrast Clear Enough? [5]

Hi!

I have to write a Compare and Contrast Essay, between two types of transportation, using the point-for-point method. I was feeling proud of what I'd done until I reread my essay today. I'm having doubts as to whether it really follows all the requirements of a good compare and contrast essay. I would appreciate any thoughts anyone might have. Thank you!

Summer vacation is fast approaching. While kids are busy planning all the fun they will have, parents are responsible for planning how they will reach their destination. Flying and driving are obviously the top two travel options, but mom and dad must do some research in order to make a final decision. There are a lot of important details to take into consideration when choosing a mode of transportation. To find out whether wings or wheels are the best decision for the family, a comparison must first be made concerning cost, convenience, and safety.

Price is definitely a big issue when it comes to traveling. Parents are going to want to have as much fun as possible while spending as little money as possible. Determining whether flying or driving is better, cost-wise, depends on several factors. Distance and number of travelers are very important details that need to be known before the family can figure out anything else. When it comes to flying, ticket prices are the main concern. Plane tickets vary in price according to destination and time of purchase. Buying tickets well in advance ultimately leads to the best deal, although a family can choose to take a risk by waiting and buying tickets on short notice when there is a chance that they will also find a deal. With driving the biggest concern is gas prices, but the family must also keep in mind the cost of necessary maintenance. Travel inflicts hidden wear and tear on a vehicle, and there is always the risk of an accident. Tolls add even more to the total cost. However, the price per person actually gets cheaper when carpooling. This is unlike travel by plane, where everyone has to buy his or her own ticket. Also, there are taxi and parking fees, as well as the price of a rental car, to think about when taking a plane to one's destination. Flying also means that there is a restriction on luggage size and weight, so some items may have to be bought or rented once the family reaches their vacation spot. With a car the family is free to bring along whatever they have enough room for. It is estimated that a one-way trip from New York City to Philadelphia by plane would cost $66.00 per person. For a car with 22.6 miles per gallon, 5.5 cents per mile for maintenance, and with gasoline prices at $3.00 per gallon, the same trip would cost $19.00. A one-way trip from New York City to Los Angeles would cost approximately $151.00 if flying. Driving a car with the same specifications mentioned above over the same distance would cost about $524.00. Thus, the family can reach the conclusion that the car is the cheapest mode of transportation for short trips, but that the plane is the better deal when it comes to long trips.

Of course, the family is going to want to make sure that the trip is worth their money as far as speed and comfort are concerned. At first glance the plane might seem to be the quickest way to travel, but a closer look reveals that this is not necessarily true. Parents must remember to add the amount of time it takes to reach the terminal and then the time spent waiting there. A one-way trip from New York City to Philadelphia is 102 miles. It would take about two and a half hours to drive non-stop, and a flight would take about half an hour. However, if one assumes that the wait will be one hour, as well as the trip to and from the terminal, the flight is no better than the car trip. This is assuming, also, that there will be no flight delays. When driving, however, there are of course the possible delays that could arise from weather, road construction, and other unavoidable circumstances. The family may also make several stops along the way for meals and other reasons. It takes about forty-three hours to drive non-stop over the two-thousand plus miles separating New York City and Los Angeles. The six hours it takes to fly the same distance, plus the two and a half hours of travel and waiting at the terminal, results in eight and a half total hours spent if the family opts to take the plane. The car can probably be awarded first place, though, when it comes to comfort because of the freedom one has when driving. The driver can stop wherever and whenever he chooses, and he can bring along whoever and whatever he wants. The slower pace offers vehicle passengers a great chance for sightseeing, as well. On the other hand, flying gives one the opportunity to read, study, work, or sleep while traveling; the driver can do none of these things while behind the wheel. Also, it is up to parents to decide what mode of transportation would be best for their children. Both parties can become restless and impatient on a long car trip, but certain children may not be mature enough to ride on an airplane. When it comes to convenience, the car is, again, best for short distances, and the plane is best for long distances.

Safety is the most important concern for the family when traveling. Many people have a fear of flying, usually because they do not have the control in a plane that they feel they have in a car. In reality, though, there is little control in either situation. Flying involves having trust in the pilot, while driving involves having trust in other drivers. Bad weather and mechanical problems are inevitable safety hazards for both flyers and drivers. Plane crashes reported in the news are another source of fear, but the reason that these crashes are reported in the first place is that they are so rare. Car crashes happen every day, so the news does not need to make a big deal out of them. To find out which mode of transportation is safer takes an amount of study. While cars are more likely to be involved in an accident, passengers are not injured or killed in every incident. Planes, on the other hand, rarely crash, but when they do, it is usually fatal for all on board. The fatality rate per billion passenger miles traveled has been estimated to be 7.2 for cars and 2.3 for airplanes. For a vacation spot at a decent distance from home, it would be safest to take the family on a plane ride.

After looking into the cost, convenience, and safety of both modes of transportation, the plane appears to be the winner for long distance traveling and the car remains good for traveling close to home. Airplanes are worth the money spent on far away vacations because they can bring the family quickly and safely. Car trips are fairly comfortable and cheap when the family does not need to go far. Whatever transportation the family chooses to take them to their vacation spot in the end, everyone is sure to agree that getting there is half the fun.