1.My family and I had just arrived home from the long 18 hour drive back from Kentucky. Needless to say we were all quite exhausted, and started our nightly routines for bed. As I was soundlessly sleeping the night away I was awoken with a violent shaking from my brother at about 2:15 in the morning, and the words that followed out of his mouth i never saw coming. "You have to get up, mom thinks dads dead!" In that moment I was paralzyed. I didnt leave my room for the rest of the night. As the paramedics came and soon after the coroner, the reality of what had just transpired could not sink in to my buzzing brain. I had had 15 years with him, that was hardly enough. He would never attend my 16th birthday party, or walk me down the isle. In the days and months that followed I became a very different person. I stopped caring about my school work and friendships because I couldnt see how any of this would be important anymore. He wasnt there to see me grow, so what was the point of growing at all? This continued through the extent of my junior year, until one night when my mother wanted to have a serious talk with me. That night my life changed. She helped me understand that just because he wasnt here in the physical didnt mean he wouldnt still be able to see me better myself. My father always wanted the best for his me, and I knew I wasnt giving him my best. When my senior year started, the new me started. I worked my butt off every single day to graduate with my class and make my father proud. I hope to continue the path that I'm on by furthering myself at UCF, for not only my myself but for my father.
2.I chose to apply to the university of central florida because i am a beiever. A believer in growth and development. Ucf is "under constuction forever" because it is constantly finding new ways to improve the quality of life and personal development for its students as well as faculty. They create the most modern and up to date facilities and programs to help students reach every aspect of there potential. When I think of ucf, I think of the a place that provides the most opportunity for me to flourish. I have applied to other schools, but make no mistake, when I look into my future at UCF I see only the best. That is why I applied to the university of central florida, to make myself the best I can.
Hello.
Ver good, just a couple of mistakes.
i never saw coming (capitalize "I")
mom thinks dads dead (should be dad is, or maybe dad's)
paralzyed (switch z and y)
walk me down the isle (aisle)
My father always wanted the best for his me (see the mistake here?)
for not only my myself (and here?)
because i am a beiever (capitalize "I", add "L" to "believer")
I chose to apply to the university of central florida because i am a beiever. A believer in growth and development. (I think you should connect these two sentences with a semicolon)
"under constuction forever" (I think you mean "construction", add "r")
Remember to add apostrophes to contractions- or leave out contractions altogether and spell out the word (wasnt; wasn't;was not)
Good Luck! : )
Cool, LibraryLover, thanks for all the time you spent with this!
Use apostrophes:
just because he wasn't here in the physical form didn't mean he wouldn't still be able to see me better myself. My father always wanted the best for his me, and I knew I wasn' t giving him my best. When my senior year started, the new me started. I worked my butt off with purpose every single day to graduate with my class and make my father proud. I hope to continue the path that I'm on by furthering myself at UCF, for not only my myself but for my father.
use a spell checker:
"under construction forever"
Okay, but I think you should write more about your chosen field -- your career. Even if you are not yet sure, you can describe a scenario in which you succeed in a field that you think you might enjoy... describe a vision for the future and a fascination with your chosen subject.
:--)
