Undergraduate / The University of the Arts- What Inspires you? [7]

'how SCAD has bestowed upon them' - Savannah College of Art and Design

Industrial Design allows the individual the capability of being creative while balancing the challenges of making that idea tangible. Living in different countries has given me the opportunity to see and experience what innovators from various cultural backgrounds and skills have been able to produce for those specific environments. Innovation inspires me to become one of those individuals.

As one of the leading innovators of our time, Steve Jobs, once said, "Everyone here has the sense that right now is one of those moments when we are influencing the future." The twenty first century has been filled with revolutions in the world of technology, ranging from products that are aimed for entertainment such as the iPod, or necessities such as medical equipment for hospitals. The most successful companies of our time are led by innovation; it's what keeps them ahead in the industry.

Innovation has proven to me that it can only move us forward, not backwards. Upon living in a third world country for twelve years, I am motivated to use my artistic ability for philanthropic causes. Living in Paraguay revealed to me the unfortunate conditions in which the people live in and the necessity of creating products that will help industrialize these countries. I want to explore the various fields within Industrial design that will allow me to use my creative mind to create products that are cutting edge and beneficial. Though I do not own all the necessary instruments at the present moment to create the next generation of Hybrid cars, glucometers or refrigerators, I have the ability to turn my thought's into concrete ideas; ideas that continue to manifest in hopes of one day being of use to the community.

As an alumnus of the Disney College Program, I have experience in leadership and diversity. This internship exposed me to different professional environments in which I could apply my leadership skills and communication, as well as granting me the ability to be creative. I was able to create magical moments for the guest's by teaching them how to draw different Disney Character's and apply my communication skills in such a diverse group of guest's. I was also mentored by Tricia Garwood, a Walt Disney Legacy Award Winner, who provided me with guidance and challenges through my Creativity and Innovation course.

I was able to visit both campuses for the Savannah College of Art and Design, which really allowed me to see and experience the renowned quality of education that the university has to offer. I was intrigued by the cutting edge technology and the students who also served as our tour guides for the day. The ambience of their character really demonstrated how SCAD has bestowed upon them all the necessary skills to succeed.

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My current issue with this essay is trying to tie the portion that involves my personal experience and my commitment to enrolling, to the rest of the essay.

The first 3 paragraphs focus more on my goals and aspirations, but I'd like to be able to tie it up with the rest of the essay which would be the last 2 paragraphs.

In a sense, I need some help concluding this essay, or if my conclusion is good the way it is right now.

Thank you in advance!

Writing Feedback / A good sense of humor is one of the most important human qualities. [3]

"To sum up, I would like to repeat the important role of a good sense of humor in our life."

You want to avoid telling the reader what you're going to do, what you will do next, etc. Also, you don't want to tell them, "I would like to repeat the..." It could be re-written, "As mentioned before, a good sense of humor has a very important role in our lives."

Undergraduate / The University of the Arts- What Inspires you? [7]

Thank you so much!

I do have a concern though, I asked my parents to critique it. They said they didn't like the way it starts, they didn't like the choice of vocabulary and they said it doesn't have an introduction or the parts of an essay.

I just don't want my parent's critique to get the best of me which is why I ask for the critique in this forum.

Writing Feedback / Creativity is very important nowadays to make a better life [4]

You want to avoid using words such as "First, secondly, finally..."

Use other transition words. (Ex: Additionally, Nevertheless, Therefore, etc.)

Undergraduate / 'Girls are like having a flower' - Supplement [3]

Hi Sonam, I just want to congratulate you for your english. English is my second language too and I think you did a very good job with it.

There are certain parts that I'd like to address:

Once I was coming out of the school I saw a little five years old kid standing under a hot sun and selling newspapers. You don't need the "s" in "years" since your subject is a kid which is singular, not plural. After "school" you could add "and" so you can connect both parts of the sentence since it seems to me as though you have two sentences in one.

For example: Once, while coming out of the school...

Hope this helps!