'Girls are like having a flower' - Supplement

I am going to apply for a college, this is one of the questions in supplements "Describe a situation in which you have made a difference in your school or community and what you learned from that experience." I wrote something, but I need your help. I would be thankful of you if you could help me with this

An A... proverb "Girls are like having a flower, or a rose. You water it and keep it at home for your self, to look at it and smell it. It [a woman] is not supposed to be taken out of the house to be smelled. I am a girl, and never thought if I will ever be able to do something or be someone.

When I was 15 years old, I decided to take an English class out side of the school, since English was not being taught at school. In case to take a course out side of the school you had to pay extra money.

I talked to my parents about it, but they said, " We cannot afford it, we don't have money to pay for your fee." I lost my hope.

Since I am a girl I was not allowed to work outside of the house, and I needed money to learn English. I had to take a step.

Everyday I glanced at thousands of newspapers to see if there was a job announcement. Once I was coming out of the school I saw a little five years old kid standing under a hot sun and selling newspapers. I bought one. My aim was clear, to check out the job announcements. There was a light of hope. I found a job announcement (Data entry job) that seemed fair. It was the time when I had to take my own decision. As Emerson said "Trust thyself". I opted to do this job. I worked 7 hours a day and had the money to pay for my tuition fee.

My parents and I no longer contribute to an A.... proverb that says girls (women) can't do anything. I gained money and learned English. For the sake of this language, I can get further education now.

Thanks

Hi Sonam, I just want to congratulate you for your english. English is my second language too and I think you did a very good job with it.

There are certain parts that I'd like to address:

Once I was coming out of the school I saw a little five years old kid standing under a hot sun and selling newspapers. You don't need the "s" in "years" since your subject is a kid which is singular, not plural. After "school" you could add "and" so you can connect both parts of the sentence since it seems to me as though you have two sentences in one.

For example: Once, while coming out of the school...

Hope this helps!

Mariagaston thank you so much for you help. Do you think my writing answer the question that has been asked ?