Undergraduate / "the recollection of our time together" - stanford supplement roomate essay [10]


You would want to change that to "writing in my journal"

Other than that, your note seems fine. Good luck!

Undergraduate / Fat Kid on The Swim Team: Common App Essay [11]

I think this essay was very well written.

I can't really pick out any glaring grammar mistakes, but the essay title is catchy. The syntax and diction are not too complicated and vary enough to make it interesting without interrupting the flow of the essay.

The ending sentence is brilliant, kind of sticks in the reader's mind "but in the end, it will not define me." About that last sentence, I think a comma after 'but' is redundant.

Good job, and good luck!

Undergraduate / "Memoirs of a Teenage Hostess" - Common App Personal Essay [11]

The opening sentence catches the attention of the reader, but the first paragraph seems a bit grammatically awkward, so you might want to re-write that.

Other than that, the essay is well written and the role model you chose is certainly not a conventional one, which could work to your favor.

Try to tie the ending lines back to Sayuri, I agree with Isha

Good luck and good job, it was an intriguing read!

Undergraduate / Indirect Sexism - Common App Essay [6]

This is an excellent essay. Maybe you could make the vocabulary a little stronger, but otherwise, I absolutely love it.

Good luck!