Graduate /
MOVING SO OFTEN; Hardships - Personal Statment for Michigan [7]
Would you be interested in hiring a professional to revise your essay? There are ways to improve the overall impact of your personal statement. If you'd like, I'd like to work with you on this.
When I was a child I had the unique opportunity
of being able to travel
to various places around the world
as a child .
Both ofM y parents were in the military
,and so
moving every now and then became a regular part of life .
I grew accustomed to having to move every so many years.I spent most of my youthGrowing up, life centered around the languages and cultures of other nations, andliving outside of the United States.each place that I visited left an everlasting impression.We spent a very small amount of time in Korea, three years in Germany, ten years in England, and three years in Japan as well as several months in between each time period in California.Despite having been to so many various places, I believe my stay inNone, however, compares to my life-changing experiences in (Okinawa?) Japan .
the most memorable for me.Of all the places I had been to it was the most unique.The richness of Japanese history and culture struck me aswasthe mostuniqueinspirational .
Since my parents never really liked to live in military housing, we always lived off post and so I was able to experience many things that other military children were unable to.I remember taking part inI forged with local friends and teachersvarious festivals and was able to make several Japanese memories that I shared withthat prompted an undying passion for Japanese society. These treasured memories would not only guide me later on in life, but it would also save me from despair .
I believe that these positive experiences with such a foreign culture compared to my own are why I gravitated towards wanting to learn Japanese later in my life.I also grew up in Japan as a dependent in the military, so we can relate to each other's experiences. I made substantive changes to your introduction, but I hope you agree that this carries a greater emotional impact. We can continue to fill in the gaps later. Let me know if you approve or not.
Here is the passage without markings (easier to read and assess):
I had the unique opportunity to travel the world as a child. My parents were in the military, so moving every now and then became a regular part of life. Growing up, life centered on the languages and cultures of other nations, and each place that I visited left an everlasting impression. None, however, compares to my life-changing experiences in (Okinawa?) Japan. The richness of Japanese history and culture struck me as the most inspirational. I forged bonds with local friends and teachers that prompted an undying passion for Japanese society. These treasured memories would not only guide me later on in life, but it would also save me from despair.
Edited:
PS - Hope to hear from you soon.
