Writing Feedback / SAT Essay:Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better ? [5]

I'd greatly appreciate if you guys could grade my essay, or give me feedback. I really want to improve my essay score. Thank you!

Prompt
Technology promises to make our lives easier, freeing up time for leisure pursuits. But the rapid pace of technological innovation and the split second processing capabilties of computers that can work virtually nonstop have made all of us feel rushed. We have adopted the relentless pace of the very machines that we supposed to simplify our lives, with the result that , whether at work or play, people do not feel like their lives have changed for the better. Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better ? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your readings, studies, experience, and observations.

What makes the 21st century unique amongst all other countries is the technological advancements which make our lives convenient, such as elevators, ATMs, automobiles, cellular phones. These all benefit our lives every single day. However, as medicine and inquisitive minds have also developed, we unfortunately have learned many convenient goods have led to out health deterioration and loss of personal security.

The advancement in energy development has brought a new frontier: nuclear energy. Scientists able to produce Uranium has helped many households have electricity; however studies show that radiation from uranium is cancerous, and although nuclear power plants have protective measures to shroud radiation, accidents and leakages can occur.

Secondly, credit cards and ATMs have made our shopping experience much easier; no longer do we have to bring lavish amounts of money whilst in fear of thieves. However, modern thieves are able to access accounts via the internet, able to steal millions of dollars. Is the risk of losing all your money worth the convenience? Banks also must be careful, as a hacker has found a weakness in the ATM machine. He is able to extract money from an ATM with a simple programmed ATM card.

However change in many other aspects has been beneficial to humans. Medical changes which can prolong death, annihilate fatal diseases, or improve living conditions have few disadvantages. Change in history, such as the UN orginisation sustain world peace, reduce travesties, etc. What change creates is a thing we as humans must asses. We must decide whether change improves or exacerbates, and if it does exacerbate the situation, we must seek for change to create another opportunity for a better life.

thank you !!!