serogers32
Sep 4, 2010
Undergraduate / Strong sense of obstinacy best describes me. MIT [9]
In your second draft, you talk about working on the "Diffraction Grating" experiment. Is this a common experiment? I'm not all that familiar with science, but I think you should elaborate on this point. Develop a voice! Try re-writing this more colloquially, how you'd talk with your friends. Then, go back and see how you can change the essay you have now to better show your personality. In an essay, the school wants to see the side of you that isn't portrayed on your transcript. Judging by the fact that you're applying to MIT, you're probably a serious student. Show them your personality that isn't portrayed on paper!
"They show enlightened after my tutor." Do you mean "They show enlightenment after my tutoring? "
Just some thoughts... I hope this helps! Don't be afraid to show a less serious side of yourself. After all, admissions counselors will be reading hundreds of applications. Yours should stand out :)
In your second draft, you talk about working on the "Diffraction Grating" experiment. Is this a common experiment? I'm not all that familiar with science, but I think you should elaborate on this point. Develop a voice! Try re-writing this more colloquially, how you'd talk with your friends. Then, go back and see how you can change the essay you have now to better show your personality. In an essay, the school wants to see the side of you that isn't portrayed on your transcript. Judging by the fact that you're applying to MIT, you're probably a serious student. Show them your personality that isn't portrayed on paper!
"They show enlightened after my tutor." Do you mean "They show enlightenment after my tutoring? "
Just some thoughts... I hope this helps! Don't be afraid to show a less serious side of yourself. After all, admissions counselors will be reading hundreds of applications. Yours should stand out :)