Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay : Role of mobile phones. [2]

Dear All,
I am preparing for IELTS (General) exam and need your assistance to improve my writings.
Question:
Some people say that mobile phone plays a major role in their professional life. Others say it plays a more important role in their personal life. Discuss both sides. What is your opinion?

I wrote below essay and, please help me to improve it.

Thank you
Nish.

Mobile phones and its related technologies can be considered as one of the most promising invention of the twentieth century. Initially the technology started as a method of calling to a person at anytime from anywhere. Nowadays, it has been developed to the level where it can facilitate all means of communication such as Voice calls, text messages, call conferencing, video calling, image sharing, connecting to internet, social networking, information processing and sharing.

These features allow us to keep in touch with our family members and beloved once without any barriers. It is well known fact that, because of various reasons our extended families fading out and we are moving to micro families based social structure. However, these technologies facilitate the ways of being connected with our beloved ones and build up the relationships with our relatives and friends. Furthermore, mobile phones acts as our personal information manages and social networking devices. It also facilitates different ways of entertaining such as video, music and games.

On the other hand when it comes to professional life, mobile phone provides more convenient platform to dealing with employment related matters. Professionals can use facilities like call conferencing and video call conferencing instead of traditional face to face meetings. This saves great amount of valuable time and cost for the companies. Furthermore, technologies like "Blackberry" facility, provides the easy and timely access to the internet and email services. Eventually it will help with the process of communication and information access for the managers and decision makes. On the other hand, various software programs transferred mobile phones into small computers where Professionals can uses mobile phones as mini computers.

However, it can be seen that most of the time the role of mobile phones in personal life outweigh the usage of mobile phone for professional life. It can be conclude that people still prefer to use of mobile phone as equipment which helps with their personal life than the professional life. Sometime this is because of the cost involved in the facilitating the usage for professional life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay : Should Society Ban All Forms of Advertising? [8]

Dear All,
I am preparing for IELTS (General) exam and need your assistance to improve my writings.
Question:
Should Society Ban All Forms of Advertising. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of advertising and highlight your opinion.
I wrote below essay and, please help me to improve it.

Thank you
Nishantha.

For last several decades advertising and advertisements had became a part of our lives. Various Companies uses this method to promote their products and services, through the mass media like Television, Radio, news papers to simple personal message which receives to our mobile. It is possible to identify both negative and positive effects over the advertisements.

The primary target of advertisement is to increase the profit of a company. Furthermore it helps to build up a brand name and eventually it will help with the recognition of the product or the service. On the other hand When it comes to consumers, advertisements help them to familiar with different brands and get the information about the product or services, there features, advantage over other and information about competitive brands.

However nowadays the advising cost is very high and it directly effect on small companies and business. They cannot compete with large multinational companies which spent huge amount of money on advertising. This can be consider as a the biggest drawback when it comes to small investors and small companies.

Furthermore latest psychological researches have shown that children highly influence by the advertisement. It is believed that young children who are in the age between five to nine cannot distinguish the real world with the advertisements and consequently they can be victims of various brands and most of the time they may be misled.

On the other hand it can be seen that, the information highlighted in the mass media may not be correct for all products and services. Most of the produces and service highlight the qualities of the produces with very generous view point. There are no mechanism for controlling or validate the content of the advertisements.

Despite of the above bad effect, promoting the product and services is mandatory thing for both sellers and buyers. Hence by enforcing various legal obligations, authorities should enforce to minimize the bad effects and make sure to enforce the preventive measurement. Independence authorities should implement for controlling and checking the validity of the content and the same time should minimize the advertisements targeting children and teenagers.