Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Ster1220
Joined: Aug 9, 2010
Last Post: Aug 20, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
From: United States

Displayed posts: 7
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
Ster1220   
Aug 20, 2010
Undergraduate / Racism - Ut college essay: issue topic [4]

Thank you
I knew this essay would be tough but the topic is a big deal at the university so I thought it would be a good topic to write about. What are the strengths and weaknesses of the paper? What are three things that could make it better? Thanks again, I edited the paper with some of your changes.
Ster1220   
Aug 20, 2010
Undergraduate / Racism - Ut college essay: issue topic [4]

prompt: Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation

Although racism is not as prominent as it used to be, the lingering effects are still evident. The problem starts at a young age while kids are enrolling in school. Many school districts are not diverse and students are surrounded by classmates of their own race, which naturally makes them have a bias against other races or a tendency to associate with their own. A great stride in shunning racism would be for the school districts to become more diverse so children could learn in a healthy, real life environment.

Ever since I started school my family and I have lived in Rockwall County, a predominantly white and financially stable community. I knew that Rockwall was a sheltered community but I never knew the difference a twenty mile drive to Dallas could make in the diversity of people. After working in Dallas for the summer, I truly understood how diverse the world is and how being raised in a mostly white area has sheltered me from this. America is truly like a crock pot with all the different ingredients or ethnicities thrown in. It is the only country where the population is made up of so many different kinds of people. As a country we are better for this diversity; however there are still people who intentionally or unconsciously exhibit racism. Society has made efforts to alleviate racism, and as a nation most people would say we have made significant progress. An example of this such is Barack Obama being elected as the first African American president. However, the election of Barack Obama really has not led to progress in terms of racism. There have been countless jokes circulating in our school community insulting President Obama because he is an African American and many white people refused to vote for him for this reason alone. On the other hand a staggering amount of minorities voted for Obama. The election appeared to have as much to with skin color as with the beliefs and personality of the candidate. As more immigrants have come to the United States, simultaneously people have become racist against Hispanics. The Arizona immigration is a great example. Although a significant amount of the United States immigrants come from Mexico, some do not. The thought that every Hispanic person is illegal is extremely racist. Racism is also shown in the college scene. In fact, rarely do you see an African American guy or girl in a Greek life unless the fraternity or sorority is strictly for blacks. There also seems to be growing racism toward African American athletes, whether in college or professionals. Typically it is the African American athletes that are constantly in trouble for drugs, drinking and driving, and gun possession, while white athletes stay out of the news.

Attending the University of Texas in Austin would throw me into the university life. As I have witnessed the people in Austin can be very diverse and unconventional. The present world is diverse though and our generation needs to be ready to cope with it. I know a key advantage to America is its diversity. People need to accept individuals for who they are, not the color of their skin.

This is a quick draft. please tell me anything that could be changed or edited or just anything that could improve the quality[/i]
Ster1220   
Aug 12, 2010
Undergraduate / My mother - UT admission essay - person important to you. [9]

If a typical day to day life was woven into a novel, its chapters would be intricate and unpredictable. There would be many unique characters, most of whose names would never be threaded into the fabrics of time. Whether at work, school, or passing through the streets we see people everywhere. Most come and go, quickly breezing though our lives like the passing wind on a spring day. A quick wave or head nod, and people are gone forever. Sometimes however, people hang around, get to know one another, and stay involved, forming relationships. Then out of all these relationships, there is that rare person that has a dynamic impact on every decision made in life. My mother, the most influential person in my life, has been that special person for me.

Growing up, whenever I have needed anything my mom has always been the first person I turn to. No matter what I have forgotten or what kind of trouble I am in, I never fear calling my mom and asking for help. As a young child, my father spent long hours working to strengthen and build his Gutter Company. My mother worked at a travel company. At this time, I was four and going to kindergarten at Our Redeemer, a private school in Dallas. Each day my mom would use her lunch break to pick me up and take me to lunch. Although I do not specifically remember, it must have been in these years that we grew close. Two years later, my parents were divorcing and my mom was looking for a house to raise my brother, sister and I. My parents had agreed to split custody, but we spent more time with my mom than dad. Wanting the best for us, my mom searched to find the nicest house within our price range, which was limited because my mom wanted to be at home every day when we arrived from school. We found a nice home in a classy neighborhood with great schools. From that point forward my mom put aside her dream career and committed to doing everything she could to be home and involved in our day to day lives. My mom was a single parent but we never went without. If we did not have enough money for everyone to get new clothes, she would sacrifice and be the one who went without. It was during this time our family grew close. I learned that whenever I have a family, the sacrifices are significant but necessary. My mom also taught me to have faith. There were times when her company she worked from home was not prospering but she kept faith.

It was during this time that time I saw from my mom's example the rigors of being a parent. I knew that being a good parent was essential to a kid's development and success in life. No one I knew, and no one I know today has worked harder for their children's future and present success than my mom.

Regardless of needing a new sweatshirt in the winter or advice in a difficult, unfamiliar situation, my mom has always been there. She was the recipient of the emergency phone calls that I made during the unfortunate times I forgot my lunch during middle school and the mom that my friends and I could always depend on for a ride before we became old enough to drive. I know that I can ask my mom for advice in any situation and that I am extremely fortunate to have such a phenomenal role model. My mom teaches me lessons every day. From her, I have learned to have faith, and what it takes to be a good spouse and an even better parent. At the end of the day, when all else fails relationships are all we have. My mom has been my most essential and valued relationship.

Heres the entire essay. Its a draft and I agree about the general to specific comment, I will see about changing that. And yes it is fun writing about our moms in these essays. Thanks for al the advice. I dont take any comments offensively so please be as harsh as you want! Thank you
Ster1220   
Aug 12, 2010
Undergraduate / "I faced my fears" - College Admission Test Essay [5]

I would change as to when and lack to "lacked" and aim to "aimed"
I think "When I was a kid, I lacked the confidence to reach what i aimed for is better"

"Older" should be older. and improve should be "improved"
I became an assertive person, i always look (looked) up to my goal of finishing my school and having a stable job, even if i don't(didn't) excel much at school, i still give what i can to prove to myself that i can(could) do it to make (which) my family proud of me . For me it's thinking outside the box by going out your comfort zone and immersing yourself in an unimaginably different experience, that makes you somehow see yourself mor (more) clearly. To contribute a big part in this school.

Im looking forward that this school will improve me even more academically and make me perform more socially.
Ster1220   
Aug 9, 2010
Undergraduate / My mother - UT admission essay - person important to you. [9]

prompt-Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

intro
If a typical day to day life was made into a novel, the book would be detailed and unpredictable. There would be many unique characters, and most of their names would never be known. At work, school, restaurants or passing through the streets; people are everywhere. Most of these people come and go, quickly breezing though our lives like the passing wind on a spring day. A quick wave or head nod and they are gone forever. Sometimes however, people hang around, get to know one another, and stay involved. Then out of all these relationships, rarely there is that special person than has a dynamic impact on every choice made in life. My mother, the most influential person in my life, has been that special person for me.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳