Undergraduate / "Columbia University will challenge me and motivate" [3]

I'm sorry, this supp sounds too dry for me. You are following a stiff pattern:

"and this signifies unity"

"Columbia University appeals to me not only because... also appeal s to me for a variety of personal reasons." (no no dear.)

" it will help me"

and so on. It almost sounds like an average TOEFL essay "I support this because firstly - secondly - thirdly" (and you are in the US?)

This essay is swarming with boring, overused expressions. Don't say sth that the adcom don't wanna here, like "unity" or "large student body and individuality, while its students are diverse, dynamic and intriguing" - trust me, they are sent everyday to every college/university. Don't just mention an aspect of the school; you should SHOW them your PASSION into that aspect. I have only seen the enumeration of things you like about the school, not the PASSION.

My advice is, choose an aspect that is really personal to you (which is not hard if you really love the school). Just be you. And then pour your heart out on what you've chosen.

Also, the vocab in this essay is kinda simple and repetitive. Try mixing it up a bit.

Good luck with your applications !