Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why:
The homepage of Columbia University says, " We are New York," and this signifies unity. CU values a large student body and individuality, while its students are diverse, dynamic and intriguing. Columbia University appeals to me not only because of the prominent location in New York City, its Ivy League status, or its challenging core curriculum; Columbia also appeals to me for a variety of personal reasons. I am attracted to Columbia's School of Law, ranked in the top five institutions for the study of law, where I plan to apply post-graduate. With one of the top law programs, it will help me significantly prepare for being a really good and established attorney. If I am part of a program that demands the best, I will want to exceed that and be the greatest. Columbia University will challenge me and motivate me to work to the best of my potential.
Please let me know if there is anything that needs to be changed.
Thanks!
C U values a large student body and encourages individuality, so its students are diverse, dynamic and intriguing.
Boasting one of the top law programs, Columbia University will help me significantly prepare for being a really good ---This sounds juvenile...how about 'competent', or some word like it?
If I am part of a program that demands the best, I will want to exceed that and be the greatest.
I'm sorry, this supp sounds too dry for me. You are following a stiff pattern:
"and this signifies unity"
"Columbia University appeals to me not only because... also appeal s to me for a variety of personal reasons." (no no dear.)
" it will help me"
and so on. It almost sounds like an average TOEFL essay "I support this because firstly - secondly - thirdly" (and you are in the US?)
This essay is swarming with boring, overused expressions. Don't say sth that the adcom don't wanna here, like "unity" or "large student body and individuality, while its students are diverse, dynamic and intriguing" - trust me, they are sent everyday to every college/university. Don't just mention an aspect of the school; you should SHOW them your PASSION into that aspect. I have only seen the enumeration of things you like about the school, not the PASSION.
My advice is, choose an aspect that is really personal to you (which is not hard if you really love the school). Just be you. And then pour your heart out on what you've chosen.
Also, the vocab in this essay is kinda simple and repetitive. Try mixing it up a bit.
Good luck with your applications !
