FlorenceVN
Aug 21, 2010
Undergraduate / "I am a performing Carmen" - Common Application Short Answer Response [4]
Do you think this is a suitable response? Because I've read a couple of examples and they all seem just like direct answers to the question rather than the more abstract...thing...I've got here. This response is also way over the word limit (at 222 words) and I'm in desperate need of merciless slashing. Any commentary on grammar and subject matter would also be great.
Prompt:
Briefly elaborate on one of your extracirricular activities or work experiences in the space below or on an attached sheet. (150 words or fewer)
Response:
My foot hurts. In that section of metatarsal right between the overlarge bunions that jut out from just under both my biggest and smallest toe, my foot hurts. Almost absentmindedly, I step on the shiny pink vamp of my brand-new left shoe with my right heel. As I apply pressure, the now rock-hard paper-maché that will eventually become soggy and dead and require replacement within a few short weeks gives way and I am able to fully flatten the entire bottom of my foot against the inner shank of my shoe.
Relief is immediate.
The moment I lift my right foot the left begins complaining anew but I cannot cater to it again. The first strains of music have reached my ears and, in the space of those few opening notes, the foot that hurts is no longer mine. I have deserted that tired, sweaty 15-year-old with aching feet borne of not-yet-broken-in-pointe-shoes to snuggle a new persona around my shoulders. I am Kitri, seductive muse of Don Q. I am Sleeping Beauty's charming Bluebird or impish Finger Fairy. I am Carmen, Aurora, Gamzatti, Giselle. I perform not in a cramped, air-condition-less studio room for a half-dozen other girls all awaiting their turn, but on a grand, glorious stage before a vast, dazzled audience.
For a minute, perhaps two, I am a dancer.
Do you think this is a suitable response? Because I've read a couple of examples and they all seem just like direct answers to the question rather than the more abstract...thing...I've got here. This response is also way over the word limit (at 222 words) and I'm in desperate need of merciless slashing. Any commentary on grammar and subject matter would also be great.
Prompt:
Briefly elaborate on one of your extracirricular activities or work experiences in the space below or on an attached sheet. (150 words or fewer)
Response:
My foot hurts. In that section of metatarsal right between the overlarge bunions that jut out from just under both my biggest and smallest toe, my foot hurts. Almost absentmindedly, I step on the shiny pink vamp of my brand-new left shoe with my right heel. As I apply pressure, the now rock-hard paper-maché that will eventually become soggy and dead and require replacement within a few short weeks gives way and I am able to fully flatten the entire bottom of my foot against the inner shank of my shoe.
Relief is immediate.
The moment I lift my right foot the left begins complaining anew but I cannot cater to it again. The first strains of music have reached my ears and, in the space of those few opening notes, the foot that hurts is no longer mine. I have deserted that tired, sweaty 15-year-old with aching feet borne of not-yet-broken-in-pointe-shoes to snuggle a new persona around my shoulders. I am Kitri, seductive muse of Don Q. I am Sleeping Beauty's charming Bluebird or impish Finger Fairy. I am Carmen, Aurora, Gamzatti, Giselle. I perform not in a cramped, air-condition-less studio room for a half-dozen other girls all awaiting their turn, but on a grand, glorious stage before a vast, dazzled audience.
For a minute, perhaps two, I am a dancer.
