Undergraduate / My mother is my courage, inspiration, and hero. [7]

Prompt: Describe an event or someone influential who made a significant impact on you and shape the person you are today.

This is about my mom.

My mother is my courage, inspiration, and hero. The last few years have been like no other for me; both of my parents have been away from home. My mother crossing the country to care for her ailing mother, my father searching for a job. During this period, I had to grapple with independence.

I believe that independence is a good thing in life, but never did I have to actually commit to it; it had always been given to me by my parents, but now the course of independence was open for me to chart by myself. By the time high school had begun, I was on my own. Waking up on time for the bus was crucial because if I missed the bus, I did not have a way to get to school. In school, I was involved in sports and extracurricular activities, so balancing my schedule was important. I had to buy food with my money, which taught me the basic demands of economy. I also had no access to a car, so I had to bike or travel on foot to my destinations. These situations taught me not to loathe and fear responsibility, but to use it in a constructive manner.

Independence is a composite; it contains element of ease, but an element of struggle. I have learned that I can draw from struggle. My school work became burdensome and being alone had caused my focus to stray. I was frustrated that my parents were not there to support me; I did not understand my role in this. I became touchy. I isolated myself from society, which led to fights. I maintained this attitude for a couple of years, until people began to remark upon it, and I was forced to question myself. I realized I had changed, and not for the better. This process was time consuming, for me, self realization was hardly instantaneous. One day, my sister and I fought bitterly over something insignificant. In the aftermath, I tearfully regretted my mother's absence; she had always been a peacemaker between me and my sister. It came to me though, that my mother was not with us because she was fulfilling personal duties, I then reflected upon the nature of personal duties. My personal duty is not to abandon, but to pursue. It became clear to me that my parents did not abandon me or my sister, but they absented themselves in order to pursue personal duties as they understood, which meant to help the family.

Looking back on my mother, I can reinterpret the negatives; her preference is for home, her obligations place her elsewhere. I look back at my past and notice a scattering of regrets, but my mother has taught me one thing: we become manifestations of what we dwell upon; she wants me to have honest eyes for my past mistakes, but not to forge shackles from these mistakes. Yes, my mother is my hero, and I know I have chosen well.

As I emerge from my past, I carry with me newfound optimism, courage, and confidence; and as I travel, I am accompanied by my mother, no matter where she is. I gaze at the road ahead and welcome the journey.

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I wrote this with my teacher over the summer and we both really like it but after having a few other people read it, they didn't like it. They said it was trite and cliche. I know the intro and ending are cheesy, so what can i do to make it stand out? I really want to use this topic because it's really important to me. I feel like everytime i write something i really like, other people seem to not like it...i mean, it's their opinion, right? Any suggestions about the essay would truley help! Thanks!