Posts by sonofgod229

sonofgod229

Nov 6, 2010

Essays / Thesis statements on global warming? [26]

I just read from mod Kevin's suggestion that you can obtain a wide range of information in terms of global warming at findarticles.com or scholargoole.com , so it's better to get a broad understanding about your topic and then extracting your own knowledge to make a influential thesis

Good luck

sonofgod229

Nov 6, 2010

Writing Feedback / Negative influences of computers on children - essay [3]

However, there are several disadvantages too => i think you can change this sentence to " However, there are several disadvantages which are also worthy of consideration.

get plenty of information => obtain a great deal of information , i reckon it's better to not use informal word such as get ect

The internet bullying is also serious problem in modern society. This is because a lack of communication caused by excess use of computer affects children's behaviour. => the idea in these two sentences is not totally correct since the fact is that you access the internet and the internet does not bully any one, therefore i think it is better to give an example to specify your point and try to avoid confusing readers .

It is important that not only allowing children's using computers but also taking immediate action to solve these negative influences => i consider this sentence does not provide the subject such as parents

Just using what i've known to help u improve .
Cheers

sonofgod229

Sep 12, 2010

Writing Feedback / Data commentary about the growth of 3G phones and total phones [4]

Thanks mod very much ! Since the gragh does not support clearly information therefore to be honest I do not know exactly . I will be carefull with apostrophe next time . Do u think whether using apostrophe is formal or not ?

sonofgod229

Sep 10, 2010

Writing Feedback / Data commentary about the growth of 3G phones and total phones [4]

Hi everyone , I'm a new member and really need help for my writing since I just can check for myself about grammar but nonetheless it's pretty hard to find the promising meaning of the sentence i wanna explain . Here is an example of my recent practice , thanks for reading and giving me a great comment . Sorry for not supporting readers the graph as i just wrote it follow a sample paper

The two graphs reveal the development of 3G phones in comparison with total phones between December 2003 and December 2010 .

Overall, although the total phones increased rapidly in the first 3 years from 15.7 million to 19.5 million, there was merely slight change in the performance of 3G phones from 87,000 to 749,000. However, 3G phones grew substantially in the next year 2006 and reached a peak at 13 million in 2010 . It can be seen clearly from the graph that with the first introduction Hutchinson 3 service the growth of 3G phones was still slow at 87,000 compared to 15.7 million in total phones. Nevertheless, after the launch of 3 well-known brands namely Optus , Telstra and Vodaphone in 2005 , 3G phones had increased dramatically in just 1 year from 749,000 to 2.5 million in 2006 . The trend in total phones seemed to stagnate from 19.5 million to 20 million at that year . In the period from 2006 to 2010 there was an explosion in the number of people using 3G phones and the 3G phones rocketed to 13 million which is approximately sixfold from 2006 . Likewise , total phones gradually went up from 20 million to 23 million .

There could be a possible explanation from the data is that the significant impact of three enormous brands has broadened phone users's minds by offering a diverse range of attractive services such as internet applications as well as online games . As a consequence, 3G phones will be most likely to overwhelm the phone market and there would be an increasingly sluggish growth in total phones in next decades .