Undergraduate / The intellectual, social and cultural differences... UMD College Park Undergrad [6]

So I basically tried answering the question:

"The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." - Aristotle

The intellectual, social and cultural differences embraced by the University of Maryland are integral to the fabric of our community. The strength of the University is realized through the contributions of every member of our campus. We understand each individual is a result of his/her personal background and experiences. Describe the parts that add up to the sum of you.

BUT I got a little sidetracked and far too immersed in the idea I came up with. I am wondering what I can do with the essay I have written, and if there are any errors you think I should fix.

If you don't understand, I plan to do this:
5. Write your own question and respond to it. Please be sure to tell us why you think this essay represents you well. (Your question will not be included in the essay word count.)

You wake up, and find yourself locked in a room with seven other individuals. A television screen turns on, and a ghastly white faced puppet begins explaining the predicament you find yourself in. According to the video, you are in one of Jigsaw's maniacal games, and you have less than an hour left to live. It was also said that you must work together or die. What would you do? Most people would panic and start turning on the other people locked in the room. What I believe to be the correct path is to calm the people down, and try to figure out what has happened. I would follow the directions given in the video, and try to save as many people as possible. The ability to follow directions is one taught to us at a young age, and one I believe to be imperative to survival, whether in one of Jigsaw's puzzles or in Biology 101. In the puzzles, Jigsaw may demand that blood be spilled. The way to circumvent this demand is to have each member donate a small amount of blood. Thus everyone shares the pain, and everyone survives. It is obvious that the others would not be willing to donate blood, so I would take the initiative and go first. Thus the small sacrifice of mine helps the rest of the group go forward. If the group had already split up, then there would be less people to donate, resulting in them donating even more. The next test is one of dedication. If you cannot continue on no matter what the hardships, then people may die. Faced with this decision, I would go forward. I have the determination necessary to continue on through pain and suffering, or even to finish my homework assignment due first period. John Kramer, more lovingly known as Jigsaw, is a lot like Aristotle in he believed that human compassion and common sense would allow people put in trying situations to work together and achieve a common goal, survival.

If you don't get it, I am in the scene from SAW 2.

Thanks,
-Gogeta1217

Scholarship / Why I want to volunteer at John Hopkins Hospital - Application Essay (200 words) [3]

This last summer was a very interesting and revealing one. It opened my eyes to untold treasures and possibilities. It was the summer I visited Syria, and more importantly, the summer I visited my Uncle Nizar. My uncle is the head urologist at a prestigious hospital in Damascus, Syria. He offered to take me along for a couple of days to experience hospital life, as well as watch multiple surgeries up close and personal. Watching a surgery for the first time blew me away, and that experience enforced my -at the moment- after thought of going into the medical field into a definite one. I was amazed by the simple yet intricate ways by which the surgeons achieved their goals, and my uncle made sure to explain every step as he performed it. Who knows, I may end up performing those same procedures as they were taught to me by my uncle in the very near future! But this is why I truly want to intern at John Hopkins. I want to feel that sense of amazement and awe I felt shadowing those doctors in Syria.

The prompt is to write a 200 word essay on why you want to volunteer at John Hopkins.
I currently have 186 words, and can't seem to think of a good closing statement. Any suggestions?