Common Appli : A tiger can't be a kitty

Hi This is my first time posting. I drafted a common appl assay, could you kindly give me advices. thank you.

A Tiger is not a Kitty

I have been thought as a prideful guy and my mom frequently suggests me showing a little modesty to others. But I am still act on my own way and justify my superiority with so many evidences. I get such a confidence in my intellection that I have never been second-best in any intellect games played, such as chess, go chess, strategic games and even number puzzles. In sports, I am the member of many teams and have been a popular sport star school wide since elementary school. In academic, I glorify myself by so many awards and medals in many courses. Even in appearance , I am quite sure that I am an attractive guy, no worrying about there will be a beautiful girl joining my romantic life in the near future. However, the bubbling feeling was broken by an event which changed my concept of the life.

I was the president of my school councilor and sought to renewal my term in a campaign. Joe, my competitor in the election, is an ordinary-looking short boy, always smile but doesn't show any outstanding points either in his personality or in any aspects of talent. To my surprise, however, he got a mountain-slide winning over me. The scenario that students hailed excitingly towards him hurt me deeply. I realized that all my achievements or talents don't necessary earn popularity. My feeling of superiority strengthened by the achievements actually adversely distance me from people. I therefore decided to change my life style upside down, Joe became my new example and I did anything following his suits. To my disappointment, I didn't gain popularity like Joe did by that way, to make is worse, teachers and friends were shocked that I acted like a totally different species, from a tiger to a cat. They have to lower the expectations on me in performance of academic competition or sports matches. This is a vicious cycle, I really felt upside down that time.

One day, I saw a news that a pet tiger bit her owner to death. A picture displayed the culprit tiger posed with pride beside the body of the victim. In a sudden, I was enlightened to compare this story with my own situation. Each human being, like animal, has its own characteristic and rule of life individually. The best life of a tiger is to dominate in a forest, oversee his kingdom, chase the deer and fight with buffaloes. He won't feel happy being a pet like a cat, and in most cases he won't be a pet as good as a cat. For me, I can liken me a tiger. Though I could modify my attitudes more acceptable to others. I wouldn't go too far to totally change my characteristic. That's the change neither successful nor acceptable.

After that, I go onto a rightful way of my own's accord.. I feel much better and am confidence that I will be an outstanding figure in certain field like life science. To arrive the goal, I will do my utmost to prepare and apply for the entry of famous universities . That's the necessary step towards my target. I wish my dream will come true soon.

But I am still (avoid using but to start a sentence)

to renewal (renew) my term

accord..

I have been thought of as a prideful

Not sure about using the word guy here...

But I am still act on my own way
what? Serious verb agreement errors. Try something like, I still follow my own path or something along those lines.

so much evidence
Don't think that even with the correction it really sounds that good. Try;I justify my superiority all the time.

in my intellect that I have
Is intellection a word?

that I have never been second best in any strategy game (using the word intellect twice in one sentence is not good)
I will try and fix more errors later. I am short on time right now

Good Luck!

Ok.

So you think your are a tiger, and want to go only to a famous university?

Is it?

I really dislike the first paragraph, you sound really conceited. And I know that the rest of the essay is about change and whatnot, but it just doesn't seem sincere after how self-absorbed you sound in the first paragraph.

You are talking about a problem because you weren't popular enough, and that's why you lost. You don't acknowledge that your competitor may have been well-qualified, you just talk about how you weren't popular enough to win.This really doesn't come off well with me, it seems shallow. I don't really understand you are trying to get accross with the tiger scenario.

I think you should modify the essay to sound more geniune and sincere and you'll definitely get somehwere.

Thanks for your advices. What I wanted to say is , people should act on the way suited for his own characteristics. I know to show some arrogance is unpleasant to viewer, but there is a kind of people who is both talented and conceited, like Gen Paten. People need tiger in one situation ,and cat the other situation. If I happen to be sort of tiger, how to justify myself without inducing viewer's aversion?

It sounds as if you never read your essay. It uses words in the exact wrong way possible. I think you should read things before you have others read them for you. Do your own essays don't expect others to do all the work for you. You come off as a concieted loser and the whole essay sounds as if you are the best even though you don't know how to spell check. Get your act together.

I totally agree with you when you say that the society requires different types of people. However, you will not become a tiger just because you think you are. Real champion, the excessively proud and obnoxious kind, communicate their arrogance through their actions, and sometimes words in such a way that people can 'feel' their presence.

However, in your essay, you did not show anything about yourself. All you did was stating some unfounded opinions that you thought appropriately fit you. No! The essay desperately lack some important solid evidence that support your claim.


Let me tell you, this is the result of not challenging yourself against the best people. Instead of showing off your awesomeness, it shows exactly the opposite.

The idea is good, the analogy is appropriate, but the flow and the overall feel may need some work. Try may be to include some more details about your life.


These lines contain some neat ideas, they worth more elaboration.

G L~

As that other person said, I would change your entire first paragraph because it makes you sound bad and air-headed.
Also, I would go through this, if I were you, and check the verbs and grammar. You make quite the amount of mistakes for a person who has "never been second-best in any intellect games."

(Little personal statement here: I would beat you in any game unrelated to sports.)