Writing Feedback / TOEFL- a part time job beneficial to students? [6]

Hey everybody, i am a newbie. Hopefully, i can learn valuable things from you. Here's my first essay in this forum, please check it out ^^! Thank you so much!!!!!!:D

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students benefits a lot from working part time.

20-somethings nowadays are such active people that they always challenge themselves to grow up. This is probably the reason as to why many students now prefer to have a part time job. As for me, i totally agree with this statement, for i believe there are a bulk of advantages to financial, living experiences and social interactions as well.

Above all, the first apparent benefit comes from income of some sorts from my temporary jobs. Should i want to be a independent person, a part time job no doubt makes sense to me. Thanks to such sources, i could afford for my basic living expenses, my tuition fees, even if only for a small part to get rid of monetary burdens for family. Moreover, as owing a certain sum of money, i am able to be mature in perspectives, better myself in saving and spending money. Readily, a part time job benefits me the first steps into future.

Secondly, undergoing new things that i should never met in high school, i free myself to the wider world. I like a saying :" not everything learned contains in a book", which hold the idea regarding the role of experiences to master our knowledge. A majority of jobs done by students are basic positions in companies or labour-extensive works at markets, shops, etc. Thus, living in an energetic environment brings students up to date on the real fast pace of jobs and make theories in books a reality. Also, i learn skills such as communication, negotiation, interviewing, etc, which i think are valuable undergoings that lends me a good job in future.

Lastly, i rather get close acquaintances with many people in walks of life. Because of many links and relationships among jobs, fields, and the requirements of interaction, employers or workers must dealt with varying types of people-both bad and good ones-and know how to be aware of them. For me, wide circles of friends equal to happier lifestyles, and, i always want to make good friends as many as possible.

To sum up, the very advantages of a part time jobs would outweigh some drawbacks like time demand. In addition to materials, they teach me lessons of how the actual life is going on and how can i behave with people surrounding me.