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Posts by crazzycarrottop
Joined: Sep 12, 2010
Last Post: Sep 12, 2010
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crazzycarrottop   
Sep 12, 2010
Undergraduate / Vires, Artes, Mores. Overcoming shortcomings to be a stronger person. [6]

My dad's death has impacted me like nothing else will. It has made me stronger in so many ways. I matured faster than my peers, learned the importance of family, and motivates me to put 100 percent into everything I do.

The last sentece doesnt make alot of sense so i would change this section to say something more like:
My dad's death has impacted me like nothing else will, it has made me stronger in many ways. First of all, I matured faster than my peers, I have really learned the importance of family and it has motivated me to put 100 percent into everything I do.

also, im not a grammar person so i cannot tell you if its correct or not, but i didn't sound bad at all to me.

I think the over all tone of your essay is strong! goood job
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