keberg1
Sep 14, 2010
Writing Feedback / Learning from books or from experience ? What is your opinion? [9]
Im assuming the promt for this essay is something like: Is more knowledge gained from reading books or from personal experience?
Your first paragraph seems to jump around between the idea of books and experience. You may want to have you first paragraph focus on books, and the arguments for and against them. Then in your second paragraph, focus on experiences, and reasons why they shape knowledge better that books do.
A couple sentences run on a bit to long such as: I practiced with friends many times but still felt the grammar was difficult. But once I started working, I used those words everyday to communicate with my clients, and to talk with my boss, so it was easier for me to remember. Try to break this up in a way that makes it easier to understand.
I also think you should add a little bit to you concluding paragraph. Its only two sentences long and should tie together all the information that you presented in you essay, and give the reader a final solid basis for your reasoning.
Im assuming the promt for this essay is something like: Is more knowledge gained from reading books or from personal experience?
Your first paragraph seems to jump around between the idea of books and experience. You may want to have you first paragraph focus on books, and the arguments for and against them. Then in your second paragraph, focus on experiences, and reasons why they shape knowledge better that books do.
A couple sentences run on a bit to long such as: I practiced with friends many times but still felt the grammar was difficult. But once I started working, I used those words everyday to communicate with my clients, and to talk with my boss, so it was easier for me to remember. Try to break this up in a way that makes it easier to understand.
I also think you should add a little bit to you concluding paragraph. Its only two sentences long and should tie together all the information that you presented in you essay, and give the reader a final solid basis for your reasoning.