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Posts by utkarsh86
Joined: Sep 20, 2010
Last Post: Sep 25, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  

From: India

Displayed posts: 4
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utkarsh86   
Sep 25, 2010
Graduate / "Marketing is a tool to drive a business forward" - SOP FOR A MBA Marketing [5]

Hi thanks for your insightful feedback i had the same feeling when i wrote it, i thought some how it came across as a little robotic im going to re write certain portions and focus more on the reasons as to what made me want to pursue a program in the first place.. Thanks for your feedback
utkarsh86   
Sep 21, 2010
Undergraduate / "to expand my knowledge with engineering concepts" - University of Texas at Austin [3]

First of all mate i think the essays really reflects who you are its a very interesting read and i really got lost in the essay it really relflects everything about you and why u want to do well academically i have tried to point a few things i hope it will be relevant to u..

I'd say The past 3 years in community college have significantly strengthened my academic ambition and given me a perspective about time management and dedication it takes to be competitive in college level academics.

Learning this about myself, I am now curious to know how far I can take my academics if I put in the same effort that it took me to get to the top of that mountain.
Extracurricular activities during high school and my love of outdoors define me as a person and are definitely contributing factors to my character and academic success.

I the last part of the sentence could be changed to I am confident that if i put in the same effort i will succeed academically.Extra curricular activities during high school and my love of outdoors define me as a person and are defining factors which have shaped my personality and contributed to my academic success.

For instance, you are not allowed to play sports unless you are passing all your classes; like my mother always says "school comes first!"

Like my mother always said...

The motivation to succeed in the class room so I could step on that field come game day, helped me establish my serious composure in my college studies. Also, school sports taught me to really sit down and prioritize time commitments because having too much on your plate could set yourself up for failure.

I learned very quickly of commitment issues after I broke my hand during football practice while I had a commitment to my cross-country team.
Even though I finished out the cross-country season with a cast on, I still let the football team down.

^^^^^^
i feel the above part is redundant and takes the point away a bit...
Throughout the years, my goals and dreams always play a huge role in my life's direction. While everybody has a purpose in life whether it's a teacher, lawyer, professional athlete, or even a fast-food employee, I believe my current purpose is to expand my knowledge with engineering concepts that will enable me to improve our society.[/quote]
utkarsh86   
Sep 21, 2010
Graduate / "Marketing is a tool to drive a business forward" - SOP FOR A MBA Marketing [5]

Thanks for the help spencer it is a statement of purpose essay. I appreciate you pointing out the errors in my essay because to be truthful i did not review it for grammatical or redundant words it took me a while to make it and at the end i was mentally drained.Having put thought into i feel using ur suggestions has made my essay more fluid. I also would like you to tell me your honest thoughts about the essay does it hold your attention ? Does it tell you enough about myself ? I feel an area lacking in the essay is that i have not clearly explained my life goals what do u think about that ?? Does my essay get the point across ?

I would also appreciate if a mod could review this essay it would help get another point of view..

Regards
Utkarsh
utkarsh86   
Sep 20, 2010
Graduate / "Marketing is a tool to drive a business forward" - SOP FOR A MBA Marketing [5]

Hi please have a look at my proposed SOP and feel free to suggest changes i would really appreciate it

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Marketing is a tool that has an almost unparalleled ability to drive a business forward, organizations are constantly striving to innovate and improve product quality. Coming from a business family I am already embedded with an inane sense about trying to understand consumer needs and demands while at the same time establishing products which try and best fit in with their needs. The next step for me would be to broaden my horizons to understand the consumer's mindset even more acutely which would allow me to establish better quality and services to fulfill their demands.

My commerce background gives me strong analytical skills as it involves various facets of marketing strategy, economics, finance and accounting. Participation in academic extra - curricular activities had only served to increase my interest in marketing activities of business organizations while at the same time increasing my communication and leadership skills. They have gone a long way in convincing me to pursue further graduate studies.

For the past 3 ˝ years I have been working with my family business and have had the opportunity to closely observe and blend with the established systems already in place. This has given me a deeper understanding of the internal logistics behind pricing structures, quality controls and infrastructure costs and also given me a better perspective of my businesses core strengths and weaknesses.

In 2009 the organization started a major project focusing on major aspects like better marketing and packaging controls and more efficient and higher quality production I was part of the team that looked at possible solutions. We re- analyzed the production system and had several one on one discussions and consultations where we suggested controls to be put in place to streamline the production more efficiently and improve time between production and packaging. The 2nd part of the project was a very tricky tight rope to walk on.

Understanding the demands of the consumer and the limitations of the business while at the same time trying to find a middle path was more challenging than i could think of. Various ideas were put forward and lots of strategies discussed and a major amount of time was spent trying to understand the individual demands of the consumer and our ability to fulfill them collectively and individually at the same time. After a lot of deliberation a decision to revamp certain portions of the packaging of the products was taken. Various designs were shortlisted and debated upon and finally consensus was reached on the new shape and structure along with the color of the packaging.

This experience while very draining has been richly rewarding at the same time, has made me believe in myself. I was encouraged to take initiative and play a major role in trying to execute the project .During the duration of the project I had the opportunity to interact with every level of individual in the line structure this gave me a deep understanding of the functioning and important issues connecting each and everyone one in the chain. It instilled in me the discipline to listen to suggestions from everyone regardless of position without putting my ego in between and helped me keep an open mind while balancing everyone's interest in mind during the decision making process. The fact that I was part of the project and could perform my duties sufficiently boosted my confidence in my own abilities and also made me aware of the huge role and effectiveness of a good marketing strategy.

I want to attend ABC for various reasons. The structure of the course places an emphasis on practical learning and analyzing ability of a student. My experiences will go a long way in allowing me to concentrate on the course and allow me to achieve my goals. The optional internship program will help me get first-hand experience of the qualities required form a good marketing manager and give me valuable inputs in the decision making behind global marketing strategies, it will allow me to learn more innately and get a better global perspective to various key issues. I hope to gain insight and a bank of knowledge from the faculty. I hope to become part of the university which will give me an edge to work efficiently in varying situations.
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