deadfire55
Oct 20, 2010
Grammar, Usage / The usage of "whom", "also", parallelism" - Few Grammar Sentence Corrections [5]
Thank you!
Thank you!
deadfire55
Oct 20, 2010
Grammar, Usage / The usage of "whom", "also", parallelism" - Few Grammar Sentence Corrections [5]
I have a few sentences in my college essay that I can't seem to work around. Any ideas for any of them would be great!
1) "There was espicailly one woman of whom I became fond of."
Correct usage of whom? Use the word "of" twice? End sentence with "of"?
2)[A sentence that says why I continued] "I also continued because I knew my time would be making a difference for...
Is the position of "also" correct? Or should it go after "continued"?
3) "I was worried that I wouldn't be able to support or communicate with the patients."
I think it's called parallelism and I don't think it works with the bolded words. How could I change it?
thank you very much!
I have a few sentences in my college essay that I can't seem to work around. Any ideas for any of them would be great!
1) "There was espicailly one woman of whom I became fond of."
Correct usage of whom? Use the word "of" twice? End sentence with "of"?
2)[A sentence that says why I continued] "I also continued because I knew my time would be making a difference for...
Is the position of "also" correct? Or should it go after "continued"?
3) "I was worried that I wouldn't be able to support or communicate with the patients."
I think it's called parallelism and I don't think it works with the bolded words. How could I change it?
thank you very much!
deadfire55
Oct 20, 2010
Undergraduate / "Solo" My essay in the Application for UNCW. [3]
"OK, this is your spot, Connor," my instructor told me this and nothing more. Two weeks prior to this moment, I was safe at home, away from the dangers and the solitude of the world. My family and I were getting ready for a movie night before I was to wake up for a plane ride to Seattle, Washington, to engage a rigorous three week Outward Bound course.<<Comma splice, cut the sentence into two sentences That nights choice was "Deliverance," selected by my father, who couldn't stop laughing ( for reasons that only he knew at the time) . Needless to say, after the film, I crawled into bed and had second thoughts about my "trip of a lifetime." I now understood why my father was in tears laughing, what a sick sense of humor he has! Morning came; it was the first time I had ever been on a plane alone, much less crossing the country. The flight was somewhat of a bore but I probably would have appreciated it more had I known what I was to face in the weeks ahead. Finally, after two transfers, I arrived in Seattle, Washington, where I stood in awe of Mount Rainer. Surely I was not going to climb this mountain! One look and I suddenly became quite skittish as an image of my falling a thousand feet to my death sprang into my mind like something out from a Stephen King novel. The fear passed as I ignored my thoughts listening to my iPod.
"OK, this is your spot, Connor," my instructor told me this and nothing more. Two weeks prior to this moment, I was safe at home, away from the dangers and the solitude of the world. My family and I were getting ready for a movie night before I was to wake up for a plane ride to Seattle, Washington, to engage a rigorous three week Outward Bound course.<<Comma splice, cut the sentence into two sentences That nights choice was "Deliverance," selected by my father, who couldn't stop laughing ( for reasons that only he knew at the time) . Needless to say, after the film, I crawled into bed and had second thoughts about my "trip of a lifetime." I now understood why my father was in tears laughing, what a sick sense of humor he has! Morning came; it was the first time I had ever been on a plane alone, much less crossing the country. The flight was somewhat of a bore but I probably would have appreciated it more had I known what I was to face in the weeks ahead. Finally, after two transfers, I arrived in Seattle, Washington, where I stood in awe of Mount Rainer. Surely I was not going to climb this mountain! One look and I suddenly became quite skittish as an image of my falling a thousand feet to my death sprang into my mind like something out from a Stephen King novel. The fear passed as I ignored my thoughts listening to my iPod.
deadfire55
Oct 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Matching a closing sentence with hook (academic interests and/or professional goals) [4]
thank you! you've just sparked an idea, i'm going to perfect my ending.
I'll let you know what it is when I'm done!
Any more helpful ideas are appreciated!
thank you! you've just sparked an idea, i'm going to perfect my ending.
I'll let you know what it is when I'm done!
Any more helpful ideas are appreciated!
deadfire55
Oct 3, 2010
Writing Feedback / Is the dependence on computers a good thing? [4]
But it will makes them tired if they must walk on a long way. This is confusing
Besides "besides" doesn't seem to flow, use another transition , overusing computers can lead to some diseases.
Schoroeder, editor of ML standard has said : "Rather than having "no" button some touch screen, I need to shake my head".
Abusing them will lead our world to remain undeveloped instead of achieving strong development, as we expect.
But it will makes them tired if they must walk on a long way. This is confusing
Besides "besides" doesn't seem to flow, use another transition , overusing computers can lead to some diseases.
Schoroeder, editor of ML standard has said : "Rather than having "no" button some touch screen, I need to shake my head".
Abusing them will lead our world to remain undeveloped instead of achieving strong development, as we expect.
deadfire55
Oct 3, 2010
Undergraduate / Matching a closing sentence with hook (academic interests and/or professional goals) [4]
The essay prompt: please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals
The first two sentences for my UIUC engineering essay is a humorous statement that has to do with a statistic of how many people of my ethnicity are involved in the career that I am going into (sorry for being vague).
Any ideas for a matching closing statement? I was thinking something about how I am more than just a statistic and that I am creative enough to bring about a difference in my career.
The essay prompt: please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals
The first two sentences for my UIUC engineering essay is a humorous statement that has to do with a statistic of how many people of my ethnicity are involved in the career that I am going into (sorry for being vague).
Any ideas for a matching closing statement? I was thinking something about how I am more than just a statistic and that I am creative enough to bring about a difference in my career.
