Grammar, Usage / The usage of "whom", "also", parallelism" - Few Grammar Sentence Corrections [5]

Thank you!

Undergraduate / "Solo" My essay in the Application for UNCW. [3]

"OK, this is your spot, Connor," my instructor told me this and nothing more. Two weeks prior to this moment, I was safe at home, away from the dangers and the solitude of the world. My family and I were getting ready for a movie night before I was to wake up for a plane ride to Seattle, Washington, to engage a rigorous three week Outward Bound course.<<Comma splice, cut the sentence into two sentences That nights choice was "Deliverance," selected by my father, who couldn't stop laughing ( for reasons that only he knew at the time) . Needless to say, after the film, I crawled into bed and had second thoughts about my "trip of a lifetime." I now understood why my father was in tears laughing, what a sick sense of humor he has! Morning came; it was the first time I had ever been on a plane alone, much less crossing the country. The flight was somewhat of a bore but I probably would have appreciated it more had I known what I was to face in the weeks ahead. Finally, after two transfers, I arrived in Seattle, Washington, where I stood in awe of Mount Rainer. Surely I was not going to climb this mountain! One look and I suddenly became quite skittish as an image of my falling a thousand feet to my death sprang into my mind like something out from a Stephen King novel. The fear passed as I ignored my thoughts listening to my iPod.

Undergraduate / Matching a closing sentence with hook (academic interests and/or professional goals) [4]

thank you! you've just sparked an idea, i'm going to perfect my ending.

I'll let you know what it is when I'm done!

Any more helpful ideas are appreciated!

Writing Feedback / Is the dependence on computers a good thing? [4]

But it will makes them tired if they must walk on a long way. This is confusing

Besides "besides" doesn't seem to flow, use another transition , overusing computers can lead to some diseases.

Schoroeder, editor of ML standard has said : "Rather than having "no" button some touch screen, I need to shake my head".

Abusing them will lead our world to remain undeveloped instead of achieving strong development, as we expect.