Posts by josahall

josahall

Oct 12, 2010

Writing Feedback / Students should go to the army course with 12 months after their graduation? [3]

I would recommend using more specific reasons or examples. How does it specifically work in Korea, China, Japan, etc.? Also, what specific values or lessons will students learn, respect for country, self discipline and how do you use them in your everyday life as an adult. I also noticed that your essay is quite informal. I would suggest removing words such as 'totally' and adding more facts.

some grammar suggestions:

Politics is always a number one matter in a country.
"Moreover, when coming to the army camp, students have a big chance to execute a great sense of self-consciousness due to some strict rules, for instance, getting up early, doing exercise, folding sleeping kit, washing clothes and so on, and specially these steps have to be done on time." This is a run on sentence. Consider making two sentences.

'In general, I agree with the military course after students graduate.~~And~~ I hope the government could legislate on the army course in order that our politics can develop strongly! consider adding an additional reason or sentence.

josahall

Oct 12, 2010

Undergraduate / "being an American citizen is a privilege" - PEACE CORPS ADMISSION ESSAY 1 [2]

An American Citizen

I feel being an American citizen is a privilege and results in a sense of accountability for future citizens. I come from a family whom actions personify this philosophy. They are soldiers, deacons, civil servants and community leaders. In high school I took the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery and soon a recruiter called me. I told him that I did not feel I could kill anyone for my country if asked to; he told me to look into the Peace Corps and hung up. After researching this foreign government agency that the recruiter suggested and reading Kwame Anthony Appiah's Cosmopolitanism: Ethics in a World of Strangers, I realize that as a human, I had the responsibility to advance all people. The Peace Corps is an excellent way for me to both serve my country and the world.

I have desired joining the Peace Corps since my sixteenth birthday; in retrospect, wanting to be a worthy volunteer shaped many of my past experiences. From volunteering with first offenders in Durham, North Carolina to HIV awareness in Great Barrington, Massachusetts to starting a community garden in Atlanta, Georgia, I have found a way to give back to issues that I felt were not properly addressed in each community. As a soon to be graduate of Clark Atlanta University (CAU), I feel I finally have the experience and knowledge to be a volunteer. CAU's mottoes have become a part of my life:"Culture for Service" and "Find a way or Make one." The latter is one I have learned the hard way. In efforts to apply some of my environmental mindset on my new campus, I ran into barricades. However those mottoes will never live up to the Peace Corps' simple question: "Life is calling. How far will you go?" I am willing to propel myself into a new culture and learn from the world. I am ready to define myself as an ethical person whose world has less strangers. I am ready to see how far I will go and have a new motto become a part of my life. I would be honored to join the Peace Corps.