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Posts by jyoon11
Joined: Oct 9, 2010
Last Post: Dec 21, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 9  
From: Kenya

Displayed posts: 12
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jyoon11   
Dec 21, 2010
Undergraduate / "From India to Pakistan" - HELP COMMON APP ESSAY [3]

What is your personal statement about? you sorta mite not want to make it so broad and say world's greatest colleges and might want to specify the school...

some tips... dont make it sound like an essay about ur dad or grandpa...
add intelligent vocab... hence the word intelligent... not neccessarily SAT words but words that show you have a large vocabulary... and use very very descriptive language...
jyoon11   
Dec 20, 2010
Undergraduate / Academic Excellence and Christian Values ; Pepperdine [4]

well sorry i didnt mention some extra information, this is a supplement to pepperdine... i have already written a essay, this is the supplement and here is the question...

Pepperdine University is a Christian university committed to the highest standards of academic excellence and Christian values, where students are strengthened for lives of purpose, service, and leadership. How are you prepared to contribute to Pepperdine's mission and community of faith, learning, and service?
jyoon11   
Dec 16, 2010
Undergraduate / Academic Excellence and Christian Values ; Pepperdine [4]

Thirty sets of eyes gazed upon my clueless face. My mind was racing for any ounce of thought or idea for me to spew to my audience. My petty improvisations had concluded that the most effective method was a visual kinesthetic approach. I was to recount the birth of Jesus, the Nativity Story. My gallery consisted of twenty three orphans and seven staff members of the orphanage. I was given the amazing opportunity to spend my Christmas day with the orphans at Grace Children's Home.

I immediately volunteered all the staff members to be the actors in my mini recreation. One was Mary, Joseph and the donkey. With no hesitance I asked one of the women to stuff a balloon under her shirt and act as if she was in agony to portray the exhausted pregnant Mary. Moses, the orphanage supervisor, got down on his knees to be the donkey while another man acted as Joseph and showed moral support to his labor-stricken wife. The children brimmed with laughter and smiles as they watched their caretakers partake in the ridiculous spontaneous reenactment.

With no time to waste I jumped to the scene of Mary, Joseph and the three wise men. I asked some of the kids to come up and act like the animals in the manger. Slowly the sounds of animals filled the room, BRAWK-BRAWK, MAAH-MAAH! Then three children with drawn mustaches entered the room and sat beside the new born Jesus and pretended to give him gifts. To conclude, I finished the rest of the story.

I had not realized that by reenacting the Nativity Story I was teaching these children about Jesus. The children's eagerness to listen and learn was profound. These little day experiences have planted a desire to live a life of service. Pepperdine's mission says it all. I want to be a part of a community that puts faith, learning and service as their top priority. A university that says otherwise could not be considered. Pepperdine's commitment to the highest standards of academic excellence and Christian values has only increased my desire to attend a university where their students are strengthened for lives of purpose, service and leadership.
jyoon11   
Nov 22, 2010
Undergraduate / "In the face of death" - Common App: an experience and how its affected your lfie [8]

thanks for the input...
im in a dilemma because in my previous drafts iv been told my tone and attitude were weak
my english teacher (UCLA grad) keeps telling me to make it more dramatic, to create a vivid picture into the readers mind, obviously the kids weren't like hyenas, but trust me there was no organization when it came to handing out biscuits...

what parts exactly show my negative tone and attitude??
jyoon11   
Nov 19, 2010
Undergraduate / UC PROMPT #1 I am third generation to live in KENYA... [4]

I am the 3rd generation Yoon to have lived in Africa. It first started off with my grandfather in 1993. My grandfather and my aunt's family had moved out to Nairobi, Kenya to start their mission work. They started a Bible college and medical ministries. In 2003 my family moved out to Nairobi, Kenya. My father was to succeed grandfather's work and expand his ministry. To further my education I attended an American International school known as RVA (Rift Valley Academy). Living in various cultures brought a melting pot effect to my world. I am a Korean-American who now lives in the culture of the Kenyan people.

Kenya is a culture I have never experienced before. A culture unlike any other with its unique and dissimilar traits compared to the Korean-American haven I come from. The constant day in and day out exposure has interwoven Kenya into my life. From the congested matatus (public mode of transportation) to the bustling street markets; African culture has been added to my melting pot.

Living in East Africa for the last 7 years, I have witnessed firsthand the destitute people of Kenya. The hiatus and disparity created by corruption and avidity. I live in a society where only the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. I have walked the stench-filled streets of Kibera Slum (the biggest slum in Africa). I have entered some of the most luxurious homes in Kenya. I live in a society in which a man gets stoned to death for stealing a loaf of bread to feed his family. I have witnessed the rich squander away their provisions to their pet dogs. Poverty has splintered the Kenyan people into desperation and suffering.

My world has given me the desire to help and serve the people of Kenya in any way possible. My world has shaped my dreams and is calling me back to Africa. By attending a UC school I know I will succeed in my pursuit in business. Through business I will support and provide aid to the impoverished Kenyan people.
jyoon11   
Nov 19, 2010
Undergraduate / "In the face of death" - Common App: an experience and how its affected your lfie [8]

"When one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book..." COMMON APP ESSAY

"When one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language..." (John Donne) Through Lillian, I encountered my own rendition, a translation that transformed my perception to life. Her death made me realize that the foundations of my worldview were deceptive and a change was crucial.

Lillian, a cheerful and vivacious little girl entered Grace Children's Home in Nairobi, Kenya. In many ways she was like any other child in Africa, but she belonged to the exclusive transient fraternity of members who wore the badge of HIV-AIDS, a scarlet letter that exiles one from his or her society. This past year she couldn't escape the inevitable; her fragile body eventually succumbed to one of the most predominant pandemics in Africa.

For the past seven years, the orphans' lives have been interwoven with mine. Living in the same compound brought constant interaction and a flood of endless contact making me an "older brother" to these invisible children. My daily ritual of handing out biscuits to a mob of seventy children made me feel as if I possessed the ultimate treasure. I tried to ration out to the sick children first. Slowly gaining control of the ravenous horde, I tried to divide the biscuits equally to all. To my disgust all of the children kept coming back for more. Hunger and desperation had sparked their basic human instinct, survival. Amidst the screeching havoc, I caught an emaciated figure from the corner of my eye waiting patiently in the back of the swarm. While the kids, like famished hyenas at a feeding frenzy, gnawed and shrieked for one last morsel, Lillian waited with contentment and forbearance. After ten minutes of scramble and chaos, I was finally able to reach out to her. I gently offered her the treasure. Slowly, her juvenile cocoa hued hand stretched out and clutched her prize. Lillian gazed upon me with humble eyes that pierced my forsaken soul. A tiny grin wrinkled across her face and a faint whisper "Asante" (Swahili word for thank you).

In our conversations together, she told her dreams of becoming a teacher. She wanted to educate the destitute and give them an opportunity to flourish in life. Knowing the shadows of her disease would not allow her to achieve her altruistic dreams, she still dreamed while I wallowed. Lillian was a child of integrity, one who lived with exuberance and audacity. Her meek disposition exposed my true nature.

Just as Narcissus gazed and fell in love with his own reflection, Lillian became the pool of water that manifested my inner personality. However, unlike the Greek hero I did not find beauty, magnificence or splendor, but a shroud of darkness and abhorrent disgust. I was nauseated by my consuming insatiable materialistic lusts. My lifestyle was detestably revolting. Lillian's death turned my world upside down, a cognizance that exposed my self-absorbed shackles. My conscience became my fatal nemesis; slowly tearing apart my essence. Inadvertently, Lillian had awakened me from my stupor of self-importance.

As Lillian's chapters of life have come to an end, I seek to rewrite my new chapters of life. What will my new pages of life say? Will they describe a man imprisoned by his unquenchable lusts, or one who overpowered the manacles of his voracious pining? Since her death, I have strived to abandon my life of egocentricity, to put others before myself, and make service my priority. I have relinquished my old self and put my selfish ways behind me; however, I am maturing from my childish ways. I want to serve the people of Kenya in any way possible to show the change that Lillian evoked in my life. By majoring in business, in the future I hope to build schools and orphanages throughout Kenya. For now as time's winged chariot hurries near, I am focusing on the fleeting eight months I have remaining to be the exemplary "brother" and family to these lost children.
jyoon11   
Nov 19, 2010
Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1 : "A Life of a World-Traveler!" [4]

good essay, it is coming along very well.. this is what schools are looking for... im guessing that you are applying to UC and diversity is what they want
jyoon11   
Oct 9, 2010
Undergraduate / "In the face of death" - Common App: an experience and how its affected your lfie [8]

In face of death, many people are confronted with a dilemma that changes an important aspect of one's life; whether it is their lifestyle, worldview or outlook in life. Fortunately for me, I did not have such an event, but this did occur to Lillian, an orphan at Grace Children's Home. With the death of Lillian, I experienced my very own predicament. The foundations of my worldview were delusive and a change was vital.

Lillian was a cheerful and vivacious little girl who entered Grace Children's Home in Nairobi, Kenya. She was like any other child in Africa, but she belonged to the exclusive group of children afflicted with AIDS. This past year, her immune system grew weaker and her body eventually acceded to the most predominant epidemic in Africa.

During my school vacations I had been able to help out at Grace Children's Home. It was another day of handing out biscuits (Kenyan term for cracker) to the kids. About seventy children mobbed me as if I possessed some ultimate treasure. The sick children (children with AIDS) were always the first to receive the snack. Slowly gaining control of the children I tried to divide the biscuits equally to all another. To my surprise most of the children kept coming back for more and they would say they did not get any. However; I was taken aback when I saw Lillian waiting patiently in the back of the line. While the other children tried to deceptively get more, Lillian waited with contentment and forbearance. After ten minutes of scramble and chaos Lillian finally got her biscuit and went off with a smile and thank you.

This small act of appreciation lingered in the back of my mind. I couldn't understand how Lillian was so full of gratitude. She had nothing to go back to, no parents, no family, and to top it off she was a victim of the notorious disease that kills over a million children every year. Lillian was completely undaunted by her situation and wore the biggest smile a child could possess. She spent her days full of cheerfulness and audacity. Lillian had surmounted her status quo and was seizing every moment of every day.

I have been living in a third world country for the last half of my life. Though aware of the society I was apart of I had not taken into account the lifestyle and conditions the majority of Kenyan people lived in. While the majority of Kenyans survived off five dollars a day, I grumbled about what more I could have. Everything had revolved around me, what I wanted to do, what I wanted. I was living an egocentric life. I had sought contentment and bliss with the materialistic objects I possessed. I was consumed by my desire for more. I had fallen victim to self-absorption.

Lillian's death had turned my world upside down and popped my narcissistic bubble which threw me back into reality. My outlook to the pursuit of happiness was challenged and I was convicted of my current lifestyle. All that I knew to make me happy and content was a misconception. Inadvertently Lillian had awakened me from my stupor of self-importance.

Since the death of Lillian, I have been trying my best to stop living for myself; to put others before me, and to make service to others my priority. Finding the acceptance and contentment from what really matters. To be satisfied with all that I already have and from refusing to covet more then what I need. I have thrown away my old self and put my selfish ways behind me. I want to serve the people of Kenya in any way possible to show the change that Lillian has brought in my life. I am still growing out of my selfish ways. Now in my final year, I will try and spend as much time as possible with the children of Grace Children's Home as I aspire to learn more from these children.
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