Undergraduate / Harvard, Yale Essay (maybe): Choice 1 on a Cow Necropsy [8]

That was really good, I just hope your admissions officer isn't squeamish! But I do agree that you should expand your conclusion a little more, after all the college really wants to hear about you

Undergraduate / Political Science major, Boston: Why BU? [15]

the first answer is really good, just one problem, you may want to mention the last few sentences first because when I read about the "convenient location and perfect architecture" I thought wow that's not a very good reason, but then I read your last lines, admissions officers are pressed for time and may not be as forgiving. Also, the first line in your second essay, "During my four years at Boston University" kinda makes it sound like you're sure that you'll get in which doesn't really give off a good impression. And also a life cannot be narrow-minded, only a person, so you are calling yourself narrow-minded, thats not good, end the sentence with "one way". Other than that it's great! Good Luck!

Undergraduate / "the true beginning of my education" - BROWN supplement [12]

the grammar and punctuation needs a lot of help, but my advice to you is to pick one of the other essay choices, this is one of the more difficult prompts. Your essay is very short, in fact its more of a short answer than an essay. I'm sorry if I am being too mean! Honestly though, if you want to get into Brown, you need at least three paragraphs and an actual response.

Undergraduate / "Sparta and Survival Instinct" - Stanford Short Essay. Intellectual Vitality. [15]

I think you are writing too much about the spartans, the essay is supposed to be about you, so maybe cut down on all the descriptions of Sparta (since I'm sure the admissions officers know about it) and add to your own thoughts and conclusions

Undergraduate / "been surrounded by nature" - Yale - significant experience that shaped your outlook [5]

This is really good, your descriptions of nature are the best part. The only problem is you need to avoid directly stating things, for example instead of saying that it has shaped your outlook, you need to describe why and how your outlook has changed. Also saying that you had an experience you would never forget weakens the essay a little. Obviously you would never forget it, the prompt is about a significant experience, so again show why instead of telling. Other than that though, its a great essay! Good Luck!