Undergraduate / "Dissolving Stereotypes" - UChicago Supplement [5]

Hi everyone! I was wondering if you guys could give me your thoughts and opinions about this essay, as well as some tips on how to improve it. Thanks!! Your comments are greatly appreciated!

Essay Option 3. Salt, governments, beliefs, and celebrity couples are a few examples of things that can be dissolved. You've just been granted the power to dissolve anything: physical, metaphorical, abstract, concrete...you name it. What do you dissolve, and what solvent do you use?

The words gradually faded until they were nothing but mere blotches of color. They were the same words that have affected millions of people all around the world whether it be directly or indirectly. They come in all sorts of "colors": race, gender, religion, and sexuality. However, no matter what we call them, ultimately, they're just stereotypes.

There was a crowd of people on the main quad waiting to participate in the lunch anti-hate week activity: "Dissolving Stereotypes". The person next to me passed me a washable marker and a slip of paper. "Here," she said, giving me a sweet smile, "it's all yours." It didn't take me long to think of a stereotype and I quickly scribbled down, "All Asians look the same", and passed the marker on. I peered into the pool of water where other students' stereotypes were already dissolving. I saw phrases similar to mine, and others that made me cringe inside. I slipped 'my' stereotype into the pool and watched as it, too, began dissolving. The words smeared and became illegible and eventually, all that was left was a blank slip of paper.

If only it were really that easy to dissolve the stereotypes around the world.

During my junior year, I was invited to attend our school's annual Camp Everytown. Camp Everytown is a four day program that brings high school students together to become more aware of the social divides our community faces. One activity in particular had a substantial effect on how I viewed stereotypes. The boys were told to stand up whenever they heard a phrase that applied to themselves. Phrases such as, "I was told not to cry because I'm a man", "I have done drugs to make myself feel better", and "I do things I don't want to do to prove my manhood", were called and many of my own friends stood up one by one. And then, it was the girls' turn. This activity gradually stripped away the layers and layers we have plastered on to protect ourselves from being "socially unacceptable". Everyone became transparent and what was left were the raw emotions we each felt. The facades were broken and I was finally able to see the impact that stereotypes have on people's lives.

Although water might not be a solvent we could use in real life, what I would use instead is self awareness. Through this activity, I became more aware of how my words and actions can affect people. The stereotypes that seemed so insignificant in the past became phrases that could hurt people in real and tangible ways. At Camp Everytown, we were able to dissolves these stereotypes by coming together and see different perspectives. By doing so, we understood each other's pain and desire to fit in and we were able to see one another without judgements. With self awareness, we would be able to see each other as blank slips of paper.

Is it too cliche?

Undergraduate / "The Ugly Duckling" - COMMON APP ESSAY [6]

Hi everyone! This is my main common app essay. This essay is sort of a "combination" of the "significant experience" essay and the "influential person" essay. It's also one of my first drafts so please let me know what you guys think!

Also - is the essay too long? It's 679 words.

Comments are much appreciated! Thanks!

I looked across the room at who I thought looked like my friend. I knew it was rude of me to stare, and I also knew I wasn't the only one staring, but the familiar look in her eyes and the intonation of her voice reminded me of Divya. However, it was her face that fed my doubts. The swollen, pudgy cheeks seemed to crowd her face. Her eyes were squeezed horizontally under the pressure of the cheeks and her mouth was forced into the bottommost part of her face. Rumor had it that she was suffering from an illness and the treatment caused her face to swell. The exact details remained unknown to me.

She smiled and waved at me. Still trying to overcome my curiosity, I greeted her and tried to start a normal conversation. However, I found that my eyes kept wandering over her cheeks. Awkwardness fell between us and I tried to fabricate a reason to excuse myself from the conversation. Conveniently, another one of my friends called me to help her on the other side of the room. I couldn't help but feel relieved and guilty at the same time as I left Divya all alone.

I looked into the mirror at who was supposed to be myself. I smiled and watched as the reflection in the mirror smiled back timidly. Sitting in class, I could feel my classmates' intense stares at me and more specifically, at my face. During the summer before sophomore year, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus, an autoimmune disease in which the immune system attacks healthy tissues in the body. I was immediately put on a high dosage of steroids to treat my symptoms, but in exchange, I developed a moon-face similar to what I had seen in Divya's condition. When I looked down, I could see both of my cheeks protruding from my face. Sometimes towards the end of the day, I looked 'angry' because the extra weight from the cheeks made it tiresome to smile. Other times, I was just angry.

"Linda! How did it feel to get your wisdom teeth pulled out?", my friend asked. "That is why you're cheeks are swollen, right?" Upon realizing she was wrong, she hurriedly found a reason to be elsewhere. Later, I noticed that most of my friends were avoiding eye contact with me whenever we spoke. Several of my family friends were unable to recognize me. I couldn't even recognize myself for I had become the ugly duckling of society. Am I really so unbearable to look at? I am the same person inside after all so why are the people around me treating me so differently? I immediately knew the answer to my own question, for I had been one of those "people" not too long ago. I became a victim of my own judgments and I sought for an escape, for some comfort to my own situation.

Comfort came in the form of a friend. During orchestra, I was surprised to see the seat next to me occupied by someone other than my stand partner. Divya's face shrank back to its normal size and she now looked perfectly normal. She was one of the first people to speak to me directly about my situation. She shared her own 'moon face' experiences and together, we were able to turn unbearable memories into ones we could laugh at. She taught me self acceptance and more importantly, acceptance of others. I learned to not let my physical disadvantages limit my ability to pursue my aspirations and to embraced my experience with Lupus as an opportunity to grow and build character. In addition, I realized that making judgements about people based on their outer appearances is wrong. In Divya's case, under her ugly duckling mask was a true friend who was able to inspire those around her with her optimistic outlook on life.

So, as I later looked across the lobby of the rheumatology clinic at the new moon-faced Lupus patient, I knew exactly what to do.