Undergraduate / 'eyes, ears, mouth, and nose' - Diversity Common App essay [7]

you're right in that you really need to show how you were impacted. you say it brings out unique qualities, but what? and what opportunities are you talking about? try to specify the grand statements you're making.

Undergraduate / "Will I be able to make these pupils understand," about myself?-yale supplement [5]

The entire experience helped shape the person I am today.

The students did not understand most of the concepts in mathematics because they believed that mathematics was hard. They failed not because mathematics was hard but because they believed they could not pass. maybe this is a bit redundant?

otherwise i like the message of this essay =]