Writing Feedback / Persuasive essay on implementing uniforms at schools [6]

Hello I'm Sarah, and im new... haha,
um...im doing this persuasive essay for english
the teacher didn't say to put in quotes yet,so...here goes
P.S: this is just the first draft so just write back to tell me how it is so far
and tomorrow i will write my second draft with corrections of both your corrections, my teacher's and my classmates'.Well here goes...
P.S.S: this is a persuasive essay on uniforms by the way.Has to be 5 paragraphs and 8 sentences minimum

Draft #1

Uniforms should be implemented in schools. The reason why I agree is because students will learn to respect each other. After all, looking professional is a good way to give a first good impression. Respect could also be gained through the discipline students get from wearing uniforms. Also, buying uniforms could be a great way for parents to save money. I mean, uniforms cost $500 max, but if you think about it, Hollister is way more expensive. Plus, if you think about it, parents would save more money buying uniforms than new shirts, pants, AND shoes to replaces old or teared up ones. This essay will explain why students learn to respect each other and why uniforms help families save money.

However, there are also arguments to why uniforms should not be implemented in schools. The fact that there would be not diversity and it could lead to a rebellion or protest. Also, they might say that uniforms are boring, especially since you'd have to wear the same thing everyday. Which is what could affect a person's (most likely children or teens) self-development and discovery. There is also one thing that I have to admit that I agree on. The fact that uniforms won't stop the fact that students will still get bullied or teased. By making students believe the opposite, this would create a false sense of security. Which is not a good thing for teens and especially children, since they might think that the world is all about safety and respect... which is not the case.

On the other hand, I think that schools should have uniforms for the simple reason that this could teach students to respect each other. Let's say that a popular girl comes to school with short shorts and a cutoff shirt. Yes, she's popular, but she's not going gain respect from serious, mature people.All she is basically doing is attracting attention from perverted people and disrespect herself and school rules. However, uniforms may not be cute, with the lastes models, but at least this show's people that (even though it's not the case) you respect yourself. With uniforms, students will at least be treated equal and will learn how to dress more approppriately, which is not what i see teens do these days. Anyways, because equality is established, team spirit, ambassadorship, discipline, loyalty, and maturity will also follow, since they won't see the importance in unnessecary things, but in attitude and academic progress. This could also make the schools's reputation a good one.

Most importantly, using uniforms could help the family during tough times. In my opinion, uniforms are way cheaper than normal clothes. You pay one price for a whole year. For normal clothes, usually the price varies because of the brand. For example,one Holister shirt might cost up to $50 for all I know. One Southpole jean was $87 the last time I checked. Uniforms may not be that popular, but at least you won't have to pay a total of at least $100 everytime you go shopping.Anyhow, by buying uniforms, this could really help families, especially now, since the economy is growing worse.

Using uniforms could have a negative impact, but let's face it.
People say that uniforms could lead to rebellion because students will want diversity
or because they think uniforms are boring.Even I think that uniforms won't stop bullying or gangs.
But at least gangs won't be noticeable, since the members would be wearing uniforms. This would
also decrease the fear of being bullied. Anyways, just because students won't have originality or "be themselves",
as they say, doesn't mean uniforms don't have benefits.
Wearing uniforms will show students that they are all equal, that no one is better than the other.
These students may not like each other, but they won't go teasing others for what they wear.
Uniforms will show them respect for one another.I believe that another benefit will be that parents won't have to pay
$1000 or more for clothes per year. Yes, uniforms might cost from$90-$500, but at least the cost for clothes will be
cheaper per year. Plus, parents also need money to pay for groceries, gasoline, bills, and other more important stuff.
This is why I, and other people, agree that uniforms should be worn at school.