odinaryguy
Nov 12, 2010
Undergraduate / "10 years kid will still be there" - 10 to 30 (a personal essay) [2]
second para
*My father wanted to know if I had kept something in my pocket for my future. But I wasn't mature enough to think about the future then.
*... I realized that there was already something more important in my pockets besides just chocolates and playing cards..
third para
*I can't remember since when I got interested in this mysterious universe..
*Maybe, it was a cartoon show I was very fond of..
*It might sound comical, but I made up my career goal through a animated serial called Jimmy Neutron...
*It was based on a kid... (dont use the same word repeatedly)
last para
* At 10, 20 years down the road I saw myself as a great astronomer and 10 years down the lane from now my dream continues to be the same. The way and the destiny is the same but this voyager has become more mature and experienced....this is confusing.what do yu mean? couldnt yu write in simple words.dont try to use catchy phrases to impress the reader if u dont know how to use it properly.it will only ruin the flow..
fourth para STARTS with a really clumsy sentence..ull have a great essay if u revise some many sentences..i recommend u consult with sumnima for that
good going sambid :)
second para
*My father wanted to know if I had kept something in my pocket for my future. But I wasn't mature enough to think about the future then.
*... I realized that there was already something more important in my pockets besides just chocolates and playing cards..
third para
*I can't remember since when I got interested in this mysterious universe..
*Maybe, it was a cartoon show I was very fond of..
*It might sound comical, but I made up my career goal through a animated serial called Jimmy Neutron...
*It was based on a kid... (dont use the same word repeatedly)
last para
* At 10, 20 years down the road I saw myself as a great astronomer and 10 years down the lane from now my dream continues to be the same. The way and the destiny is the same but this voyager has become more mature and experienced....this is confusing.what do yu mean? couldnt yu write in simple words.dont try to use catchy phrases to impress the reader if u dont know how to use it properly.it will only ruin the flow..
fourth para STARTS with a really clumsy sentence..ull have a great essay if u revise some many sentences..i recommend u consult with sumnima for that
good going sambid :)